He Must Become Greater, I Must Become Less

When The Going Gets Tough

2012-02-05T10:30:00.000-05:00

If your only glimpse into my life has been this blog, then you probably thought I fell off the earth for a few months. Sorry about that. From a blogging perspective my life just hasn't been that interesting. It's been fairly interesting to live it, but it wouldn't be that interesting to read about it. I guess that's mostly because I like to write about good news and exciting things that happen in my life, and those have been few and far between.

I don't know if anyone reads this thing, but it doesn't really matter. I just need to write. I've been so discouraged by countless things in the past few months. I try to seek out the positive and hang on for dear life, but sometimes I start to lose my grip. As a discipline in my life I thank God for the day and for his immeasurable grace in my life every time I pray. Knowing that every day is a blessing and that I don't deserve to live another minute (but still do) helps me get through the day. It seems like I work so hard at something and get nowhere, which makes me question whether what I'm doing is even worth it. I know it's a lie that the devil tells me; but that doesn't make it any less discouraging. I know deep down that the time I have invested in the Lord's kingdom work will not have been in vain. I long for those days when I get to see the truth behind that. In some cases I may never see it, and I must be satisfied with just the faith I made a difference. When I do see it it means the world to me. A couple weeks ago I had a camper (whom I've been praying for these 6 years) reconnect with me and tell me that I impacted his life. It's those moments that bring the most joy. Sometimes I ask myself, would I do it even if I knew those moments weren't coming? Would I continue the work if it was made known to me that I would never know the result of my toil? I hope so. Why? Because the true reward is on the other side. When I see Jesus face-to-face it wont matter a bit if I got to witness my own fruitfulness. Nevertheless, I am in a time of emotional hardship.

Forgotten Promise

2011-11-02T01:17:00.000-04:00

I think it’s interesting that we can be where God wants us to be while not becoming who God wants us to be. I also think that the latter is more important. Today I’m in a lowly place. I’ve been zoned out most of the day. I’ve accomplished the tasks of the day, but my mind is somewhere else. As I spent time with Peanut tonight, I wasn’t myself. He even asked me if I had a headache. I didn’t.
Last night God reminded me of a promise I had made to Him. I was abandoning it. I had forgotten. The pleasures of the world had been blinding me and I didn’t know the difference. It should come as no surprise to me that I walked off the path. I took my eyes off the guide. Like Peter drowning in the waves, I took my eyes off my savior and I lost track of where I was and what I was doing. I forfeited my prayer time, Bible reading time, and worship time for house work, job searching, socialization, and sleep. Seemingly harmless things, but what is their purpose without the things I had to give up? What is my purpose without them? I don’t have one. So it should be no surprise that I lost sight of a promise I had made to God. It should be no surprise that my efforts to advance the gospel are frustrating at best. It should be no surprise that I am not the man God wants me to be.

Prayer of Saint Francis and me

2011-10-16T01:55:00.000-04:00

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

A House, For Real?

2011-10-16T01:19:00.000-04:00

Even just a year ago I pictured myself preparing to enter an overseas mission field right now. It's interesting what happens in the course of a year. It's been a crazy one. I could write about it for hours, but I'd rather tell you about it over coffee. One thing's for sure, a year ago I said I would never own a house. Not because I didn't think I could, but because I didn't want to be tied down to a mortgage. Debt inhibits us from going when God says go. Yet here I am in October of 2011 owning a home and not preparing to go overseas. After a long inner-struggle over what to do, it became quite clear that God was calling me to stay in West Michigan for a while. Then, to make a very long story very short, He blessed me with a mortgage free house.

Unfortunately, this house has consumed my life in the past three weeks. Moving in, and all the little projects that go with it, has been more than a full time job. In the meantime I still don't have a job and I've really lost sight of my priorities. There are three reasons why I'm here. First, God said so. Second, Tyler and Alex are here and I'd like to continue to mentor them. Third, I'm here to minister to my neighbors. I need to straighten out my priorities and get to these things. This probably means that certain projects on the house will take longer than hoped.

He gets all the credit

2011-08-25T19:35:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow I look for a place to live in Grand Rapids. I'm moving back to the city for the purpose of ministering to the neighborhood. I am beyond nervous about this prospect, but it is definitely where I am called for this season of my life. I don't worry much about it anymore. I used to worry a lot, but last week it hit a peak and I stopped what I was doing to spend some quality time with Jesus. He promises us peace when we give him our anxieties, and that is what I got. I did a lot of listening and not much talking. This is normally the other way around, but what could I possibly say to my own creator except "Lord help me!". He taught me to trust Him. I've offered myself completely to be used by God, the all powerful, and here I was concerned about being ineffective. This is God's ministry, not mine. He will prepare the way, He will set it up, He will change hearts, He will transform lives; all I need is to be willing to be used. I am not qualified to do this kind of thing. Thankfully, the Lord doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. I know that anything good that comes out of this venture will be because of the Holy Spirit's work and not my own, and that's how He works; To God be all the glory. If I felt qualified to do this, I might take some of the credit for the results. I think that Philippians 4:13 will be one of my theme verses.

I might write that verse on the wall when I move in. I know that the trials will come and it will be very difficult. I need to be reminded that my strength comes from the creator of the universe. If God is for us, who can stand against us?

Blessed

2011-07-02T23:21:00.000-04:00

Thursday night I couldn't sleep. That hasn't happened to me in a long time and it was odd. My mind was racing. I just couldn't get over how blessed I am. Not because of my possessions, though God clothes me and feeds me (a blessing not to be overlooked). I am so blessed because of the people in my life. I am blessed because God put them there and I don't deserve it. I have the best parents ever. I have the best friends I could ask for. And I have two guys that I love very much and get to disciple.

These are my thoughts:

God, how is this real?
How could you love me this much?
As the wayward son who has returned to you, I just wish to be your lowly servant.
Just to be your slave and be treated as one.
Even this would be merciful.
I don’t even deserve to be your slave. I am dirt.
I am a terrible person.
But what is this, God?
How could you make me your son after all I’ve been?
How could you love me this much?
I deserve death but you give me joy.
I am a sinner but you choose to use me anyway.
I don’t know what to do but say thank you.
Every time I talk to you I hardly say anything else.

Domino Joy

2011-06-25T23:43:00.000-04:00

It's been a whirlwind of a week. I got to spend a few days at camp at the beginning of the week, which was so refreshing. I got to spend quite a bit of time with my closest friends there. Unfortunately there wasn't enough time to spend it with everyone that wanted it, but that's life.

I have written about this so many times, but I have seen so many answered prayers this year. This week is no different. I was feeling quite down on Thursday; mostly missing camp and friends in GR. Then Tyler told me that he led a camper to Christ. There was no better way to brighten my day. Not just my day, but my summer. It gave me unspeakable amounts of joy. It is a longer story than this, but it turned out to be a huge answer to his and my prayers.

It just keeps going though, because of this story and my lifted spirits, I've been able to encourage many people since Thursday night. It's kind of a domino effect. I hope it keeps going. Would you pray that it keeps going? If there is one thing that God is teaching me this year, it's that He answers prayer.

Disciple

2011-06-12T23:56:00.000-04:00

I posted a Facebook status about this yesterday, but I wanted to get into this a little more. I've been discipling 2 guys for a year or more now and I've realized something important. I am forced to grow exceedingly when I am in this position. When I am a leader and a teacher I am held to a higher standard than otherwise. When otherwise it seemed so easy to plateau and coast through life, I now find myself with no where to go but to grow spiritually. It's really cool.
This isn't why I started this journey of discipling, but a much welcomed side-effect. I started because I care a lot about these guys and I wanted to help them grow closer to the Lord. Yet, what kind of a leader would I be if I wasn't doing what I was teaching? Talk about motivation.

If you are not making disciples and being a spiritual leader in someone's life, you are seriously robbing yourself of massive growth. If you want to get serious about becoming more Christ-like and serious about improving your relationship with God, then you need to mentor someone. Don't wait until you have time, because it will never happen.

Tyler and Alex, if you're reading this, you mean so much to me. I love you guys.

God is at work

2011-06-02T22:39:00.000-04:00

My body is telling me to go to bed, but I wanted to write down a few things first.

This week is crazy nuts. Mostly in a good way, but nonetheless crazy.

I am excited about this student discipleship program that we started yesterday. Today was day two and exhaustion sets in a little. Nevertheless, I'm still excited. This week we are training the students to make disciples for Jesus from their peer groups or any other contacts they may have. I'll go into more detail if you chat with me or whatever.

The main thing I wanted to say is an addition to my last post. I've had God show up in a real way in multiple ways this week. I was given a prayer request and it was emotional for me. I prayed like crazy. I prayed with tears. This is not normal, which you probably know if you know me. In His love and mercy, God answered the prayer within hours. Joy is the only word i can ascribe to this. He gives me strength to press on.

Goodnight.

Prayer

2011-05-27T09:01:00.000-04:00

I was talking to my friend last night and I realized another way that I do an injustice to the character of God. We all do things like this. We live our lives or communicate in such ways that incorrectly portray God and how He works. I say this phrase all the time: "well, all you can do is pray." What is that communicating? That it's a last ditch effort? We've tried every human solution and now all we have left is to pray? Don't we believe that prayer is the most powerful thing we could possibly do as a Christian? The aforementioned phrase will no longer be a part of my speech.

Speaking of prayer, I'm pretty bad at it. I mean, I don't talk to God often enough. I wish I was the guy that spent an hour in prayer before doing anything else, but that's not me at the moment; I'm working on it.
Nevertheless, I've seen God answer my prayers this past semester. Unmistakably so. I mean word for word. I thought it was nuts the first time, and then it happened again. Twice I had prayed for something very specific to happen and then someone came to me and told me about something that happened, using the exact same words that I had spoken to God! I still stand in awe of that.

Do you pray specific prayers? One of the most encouraging things in my walk with God is when specific prayers are answered specifically. I think that God likes to work this way. When we need $386.49 specifically, He likes to provide $386.49. I've seen it happen. Why? because you cannot deny that this provision was a direct answer to prayer. God gets the glory.

On a different note: I'm moving today. I will miss you Grand Rapids.

Community: Die to Yourself

2011-05-16T00:47:00.000-04:00

Right now I'm reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. I'm almost through it, and I could have been finished with it a week ago if I didn't spend so much time playing Minecraft. I am enjoying the relaxation though.
Anyway, I highly recommend this book so far.

I just finished a chapter where he talks about living in a house with 5 other guys. I can relate. He talked about the struggles of sharing space and sharing lives. I can relate.
I love this though; this is how he ended the chapter. It was a dialogue between him and someone he had observed. "I asked him how he kept such a good attitude all of the time with so many people abusing his kindness. Bill set down his coffee and looked me in the eye. 'Don,' he said. 'If we are not willing to wake up in the morning and die to ourselves, perhaps we should ask ourselves whether or not we are really following Jesus.'"

I'm not suggesting that my friends at the Man Sanctum abused any kindness I might have shown. What I am suggesting is that this is the only way that Christian community works. We have to die to ourselves daily; part of which means realizing that the world is not a play staring me. No legitimate Christian community takes place without this; and if you read the New Testament, you see that Christian community is vitally important in our lives.

Sometimes that means doing the dishes all the time because no one else does, even if I didn't make any of them dirty. But I'm not tooting my own horn here; this comes with the realization that I neglect other things and fall short of people's expectations in other ways. I have a habit of leaving my junk around the house; the list could go on for a while. The key to community is grace. A grace that only comes from the ultimate grace that Christ has shown us.

If you don't die to yourself - in other words, kill your pride - then you have to ask yourself if you're really following Christ. "He humbled Himself and became obedient to death, even death on a Cross."

An Internship Away

2011-05-07T23:03:00.001-04:00

This has always been my blog for contemplating and sharing my personal life, thoughts, and questions, and it will continue to be that; thanks for being here with me. I have a separate blog now for times when I want to write about my thoughts on a scriptural passage or other studies like that. If you are interested, you can find it here:
http://cecilandmeridith.blogspot.com/
The first 6 posts were an assignment on Genesis 3:1-7. Nevertheless, they should be interesting.

So here I am. The only thing left for college is an internship and one 3 credit course that I will take at the same time. I guess I'm all grown up now. It feels a little strange. I'm a little anxious because I don't know what I'm going to do with my life yet, but I have a new peace about that. I am more relaxed now than I can ever remember. There's nothing hanging over my head. It's wonderful.

I feel very blessed right now.

Tomorrow is Not a Promise.

2011-05-01T15:00:00.000-04:00

Just to clarify. The focus of my last post was on the immense joys of having spiritual children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Tomorrow is not a promise, nor is the rest of today, so please do not be too taken back when I say that I am content in the realization that I may not ever have physical children or grandchildren. That realization and contentment was not the focus of my thoughts. I love my spiritual children and grandchildren. That joy is what I wanted to make known.
That being said, God's promises reveal that having spiritual children is more important than physical children.

May God's peace be with you.

Grandchildren

2011-04-30T01:50:00.000-04:00

I was pondering about and thanking God for the blessings in my life tonight. It's something that I need to take time to do more often. I was thinking about things that bring the most joy to my heart. It's possible that I may never have the joy of grandchildren in my life. A realization that I am at peace with. However, at age 23 I have the fantastic joy of spiritual grandchildren in my life. It would be difficult for me to put into words how amazing this joy is. When you make a difference in someone's life - possibly being the one that leads them to Christ, or just helping them grow - and as a result they lead someone to Christ, you have spiritual grandchildren. It causes an overflow of joy in my heart that I don't think genetic grandchildren could top. And I think it should... read the Word of God:

1 "Sing, O barren one, who did not bear;
break forth into singing and cry aloud,
you who have not been in labor!
For the children of the desolate one will be more
than the children of her who is married," says the LORD

Isaiah 54:1

A Different Approach

2011-04-22T01:45:00.000-04:00

I would like to make an amendment to my previous post. I'm not disagreeing with anything I said then; I would just like to add to it.

I've spent a considerable amount of time seeking the Lord's will for my life; earnestly seeking what He would have me do, where He would have me go, and how He would have me do it.

I'm changing my approach. I don't care about these things. I desire to know God more. That's all that matters to me. God, reveal yourself more to me everyday.

It seems so obvious now. As I grow in my relationship with Christ, His will for my life will become clear. In the meantime, as a wise friend told me, "just keep doing the last thing God told you to do until you're sure that he's told you to do something else."
I can do that. So much stress just left my life.

-Nate

Decisions

2011-04-19T02:14:00.000-04:00

It's late, but that's when my brain tends to think deeper.

I had been fasting and praying, which concluded at the prayer gathering at the Deltaplex Saturday night. The purpose was two-fold. The secondary purpose was to seek the Lord's will in my up-coming major life decisions. I had a small list of options of what I could do after my internship is over this summer. The small list rapidly became a long list.

I was earnestly asking the Lord to make it clear which option would be best. Because I honestly want His will for my life. In other words, I was hoping He would narrow it down to one somehow.

The Lord taught me something in those days. I think that God delights in letting us decide. If the option will bring glory to God, our motives are pure, and the door is open, then it's within God's will. I think we tend to make these decisions harder than they need to be. I simply need to examine my motives in each option to make sure they are pure, and then pursue the option I want most. If God does not want me there, I trust that he will close the door.

Full time ministry, ready or not, here I come.

Priorities... keeping them straight.

2011-04-05T01:54:00.000-04:00

A long time ago, at the beginning of the fall semester, I listed my priorities. I set up a basic order of priorities in my life that, when push came to shove, would decide what would ultimately demand my time. I knew, going into a school year of 40 credits, that I would encounter days where I would not be able to do everything I wanted to do.
Interestingly, school work found itself at #3 on the list. So far, by God's grace, I had managed to accomplish the first 2 and still have enough time to finish all my school work. This week it didn't happen. Priorities 1 and 2 left school work in the dust. I still got some of it done, just not all of it.
I'm at peace with how this went down. I am proud that I kept my priorities as I had wanted them. I had a great weekend with Tyler and Alex. God continues to bless my socks off.

Keep running the race.

Amendments and Prayers

2011-03-04T15:42:00.000-05:00

I must amend my previous post with a few clarifications. I still stand by what I said, but I can understand how things can be taken wrongly.

- If you were unsure that I was speaking about you, then I wasn't. I can say this because those whom I referred to have been spoken to regarding this.
- If you think I'm being hypocritical, it's because I am a hypocrite. So it is perfectly understandable that you would come to this conclusion.
- Am I a cynic regarding cynical people? Unfortunately yes, from time to time. But it is a cycle I am trying to break myself from.
- When I say that I am avoiding these people, it is not meant to be taken that I am giving up on them or our relationship. I love my brothers and sisters in Christ. I pray for them. Rather, I would liken this to a pastor who needs a sabbatical. He is not giving up on his people. He simply needs a break from them to regroup, re-energize, and return. In my struggle to become less cynical I must temporarily distance myself from people who negatively influence me in this area. However, the emphasis is on temporary.
Thanks for bearing with me on this.

..................................................

If you haven't noticed, I am right in the middle of the craziest, most chaotic part of my life thus far. I am half-way through my final traditional semester, followed by an early summer internship. The workload is tremendous. I live from week to week for deadlines. There is just no other option. If I had a major project due in 2 weeks, I wouldn't even begin to think about it for at least another week.
I say this all to say that God has used this season of my life to bring about massive change in me. He is still working on me, and I've got a long way to go, but when I look back at who I was, I don't even recognize myself. For this I am incredibly thankful.

I covet your prayers for my near future. I am hardly concerned about where I'll be 5 years from now, because it is difficult to see past the giant standing in front of me; that is, the next 4 months. I am not praying for a smooth ride or for less chaos. Rather, I am praying that God continues to use the chaos in front of me for His glory and His sanctifying work in my life.
As chaotic as these months are, I will soon need to make important decisions regarding my future. So please also pray that I will have a clear mind, amid the chaos, to make Spirit led decisions that will effect the course of my life. His will is greater than my will; His wisdom is greater than my wisdom.

Grace and Peace

Worn out by Christians

2011-02-27T14:29:00.001-05:00

I'm worn out. I'm not talking about physically, though I am tired. I'm not talking about school work, though it is a burden. I'm talking about negativity. I wrote about this before, but this time there is change.
I've identified the issue that has the most effect on my attitude. The cynicism around me. Sometimes I feel on top of the world, filled with the Spirit, motivated to press on for Jesus and love everyone I come in contact with. Then the cynic walks into the room and sucks it dry. Quenches the fire. Removes the hope.
It has a noticeable direct effect on my attitude. I hate it.
It doesn't bother me when an unregenerate is cynical; could I expect anything more? I love countering their cynicism with my joy that is in Christ.
It drains me when the Christians around me are cynical. They are my brothers in Christ! Where is the edification? Where is the joy? Where is the peace? Where is the hope? Where is the love?
I have made the choice to avoid cynical Christians as best I can. They are hindering me from being everything I can be in Christ. They are quenching the Spirit. I will tell them that this is why they see less of me. If God grabs ahold of their heart, then I will come back and be graced by their company once again.

-Nate

Paralyzed

2011-02-19T18:27:00.002-05:00

Sometimes we read stories of the Israelites in the Old Testament and pass judgment on them. God would show them his faithfulness and they would quickly forget it. Take, for instance, the story of their grumbling and complaining in the desert. Did you forget already that I led you out of captivity, that I parted the sea? Reading this story with the benefit of hindsight makes us look down on the Israelites, but aren’t we the same?
How quickly I forget the Lord’s faithfulness.

Thursday night I came to the Lord in prayer. I laid my worries, cares, and anxieties down at his feet. I poured it all out; it took and hour and a half. As a result, I was filled with the peace of God that transcends all understanding.
How quickly I forget, like an Israelite. Yesterday and today, I have been consumed with worry and anxiety. It’s almost paralyzing. I haven’t been able to get my work done because of it.
“We say, Israel, how could you forget after only 30 days? Come on!”
30 days? I forgot after 1 day.

Then the Lord reminded me. Gently.
“The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:5b-7

This is one of God’s most beautiful promises. Why can’t I remember it everyday?

Brace Yourself Like a Man

2011-02-13T00:28:00.000-05:00

I am glad that my relationship with God is beyond emotions, because my emotions are not always solid ground, but my hope in God is.

Emotionally, I am so frustrated with God I could scream. We had a little argument in the van today. He is testing me. Don't get me wrong. Life is great. I'm not mad at God for putting me through a trial. He just continues to allow opportunities that are good. I am so tempted by good. I don't want to do a good thing, I want to do the best thing. My flesh wants the "good". I wish the option wasn't even there. It was better when it wasn't.
Thanks for letting me vent.

I'm not trying to fool myself into thinking that I know better than God. When I argue with God out loud, it only makes me realize how ridiculous my claims are. It is not bad to approach the throne in prayer with frustration and anger. But woe to me if I do not leave completely humiliated and broken. I sound ridiculous when I come to God in frustration. In this humiliation I find healing. In this humiliation God, not so subtly, reminds me that He is God and I am not.
When Job comes to God in frustration he is, not so subtly, reminded that God is God and he is not. "Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me." (Job 38:3) This is Nate's translation: prepare yourself, because God's answer is going to feel like a kick to the groin.

"Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?" (v4)
haha... yeah. Good point.

"What is the way to the abode of light? And where does darkness reside? Can you take them to their places? Do you know the paths to their dwellings? Surely you know, for you were already born! You have lived so many years!" (v19-21)
ouch...

"Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons or lead out the bear with its cubs?" (v32)

That Guy

2011-02-03T10:57:00.002-05:00

To all those wondering, I survived the blizzard of 2011. Nonetheless it was very exciting.
I normally post in here on Tuesdays, but this week got a little crazy.

I’m really jazzed about what God is doing in West Michigan. Revival. It’s happening. Are you coming?
When I talk about revival I’m not talking about some crusade where an evangelist travels the country and everyone sings Kum-ba-ya. Traveling evangelists have their purpose, I’m not here to discredit them, but that’s just not what I’m talking about.
People are realizing that Jesus is the Lord and Savior. This is a revival that takes place in a community, not a stadium or auditorium. This is neighbors praying for neighbors, classmates praying for classmates, churches praying for churches. We are trying to wake the dead here, and that only happens by the power of prayer folks.
We started praying for places like Calvin and Grand Valley and the Lord is moving. There is a group of students that have come together at Calvin that are praying in revival. A group of Muslims at Grand Valley just accepted Christ as their Savior. Do you see what’s happening here? Don’t miss it.
Two nights ago I specifically prayed for one person for 20 minutes. I prayed that God would break her heart. I’ve never even met her, but she is important to me. She’s a friend of a friend. During my prayer it happened. God broke her heart and my friend led her to Christ! That very night.
Prayer. Revival. Can you feel it? God is good.

This is something else that I’ve been thinking about. I think there are a lot of times that we don’t want to be “that guy”. Who is that guy? He’s the guy that talks about Jesus and the Bible all the time, and every time you talk about something he relates it back to scripture. Doesn’t that guy just get on your nerves?
Well I’ve decided to strive to be that guy. If it’s annoying or uncomfortable, then it’s because we love the darkness and fear the light (John 3:20). I think Paul was “that guy”. “For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.” -1 Corinthians 2:2

How Did I Get Here?

2011-01-25T14:42:00.002-05:00

It’s a bit bizarre when I look back at my life and think “how did I get here?” What I’m talking about is God’s grand orchestration. Sunday morning I am sitting in a church thinking this is, without a doubt, the church that I am supposed to be a part of. I’ve had a vision of a church plant for 3 years, and this is exactly the church I envisioned, every detail. So as I sit there and ponder this odd circumstance, someone asks me how I ended up their. I began to wonder, how did I get here? I found the answer, but it’s a long story, and God showed up every step of the way. I’m going to give you the abridged version of the story, and you can ask me sometime about the long version.
2 years ago I helped serve a meal, called the Love Feast, at a downtown ministry. I heard about a ministry called the Stockbridge Boiler Room and its sister ministry the Bridge Street House of Prayer. Soon after that meal I moved back to Ludington.
In December I went to the bookstore and came back with a book I had never heard of. It was an author I had never heard of. But I saw it on the shelf and the Holy Spirit nudged me to pick it up.
It changed my life. Rather, God used it to change my life and to see the power of prayer, surrender, and revival. I needed a place where I could pray. So I prayed for a place to pray. The Holy Spirit led me back to the Bridge Street House of Prayer. So I went on a Saturday, then I went on a Tuesday, then I went on Sunday. I didn’t have a trace of a clue what to expect when I first went that Saturday, and I brought along a whole van full of people. All I knew was that the Holy Spirit was leading me to go, so I went.
What I found were people who believed in the power of prayer. People that have a passion for seeing revival in themselves and in the community of Grand Rapids. A diverse group of people from young to old, outcasts and people that love them, and people that love coffee!
So how did I get here? Only by the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

If you think that’s a long story, it’s actually more complex than that.

Fools Gold

2011-01-18T10:21:00.000-05:00

As I continue in the book of Luke I am reminded of some fascinating parables. I think that sometimes we either brush off a parable saying it doesn’t apply to us, or we pretend like we don’t understand its meaning. Today I encounter one that, from the looks of our culture, has been pushed aside. I’m not just accusing everyone else, I fit into that category as well. Check it out:

The Parable of the Rich Fool
13 Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.” 14 But he said to him, “Man, who made me a judge or arbitrator over you?” 15 And he said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” 16 And he told them a parable, saying, “The land of a rich man produced plentifully, 17 and he thought to himself, ‘What shall I do, for I have nowhere to store my crops?’ 18 And he said, ‘I will do this: I will tear down my barns and build larger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. 19 And I will say to my soul, Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years; relax, eat, drink, be merry.’ 20 But God said to him, ‘Fool! This night your soul is required of you, and the things you have prepared, whose will they be?’ 21 So is the one who lays up treasure for himself and is not rich toward God.”
(Luke 12:13-21)

Later in the same chapter (v34) He says “for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” We are deeply interested in something that we have invested in. If we put our money into stock for a company, all of the sudden we become strangely interested in everything that the company does. Why? Because that’s where we put our treasure. If we invest our money, time, and other resources into the Kingdom of God, rather than storing them up, we will care deeply about the work of the Kingdom. (Idea stolen from “The Treasure Principle” by Randy Alcorn).
Quickly we begin to reason, “If I give all of my money to God, how then will I survive?” Our first problem would be saying “my money”, because everything belongs to God to begin with. We would just be giving it back to him.
Interestingly, the very next passage (more like a continuation of the same passage) is given the title “Do Not Worry”:

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. 23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. 24 Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds!
(Luke 12:22-24)

Oh, we have so little faith. Why don’t we take Him at his word? Would you do it? Could you do it? Can something be so simple and so difficult at the same time?
Why do I have an entire drawer full of socks? Why do I own somewhere around 50 T-shirts? Why do I have more than one pair of shoes? Because I’m human and I’m attached to my possessions. Sometimes I’m emotionally attached, sometimes I just think I “need” it. God, please help me to see everything as yours.

"’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus says the Lord!”

Can Ya Feel It?

2011-01-16T19:54:00.002-05:00

I feel like I need to write this down.
God is on the move and I can feel it. There is a fire that is beginning to consume me. Oh what joy! God is setting the stage for revival. This generation is on the verge of something not seen in over a hundred years. Can you feel it?
I've been reading a book about revival, it's changing how I see things. I go to church in Muskegon last week and the pastor is speaking about the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit filling us and bringing revival. I went to the worship gathering at the Bridge Street House of Prayer last night and not only did I listen to the speaker talk about revival, I saw revival.
Revival in ourselves starts with recognizing the sovereignty of Jesus Christ. We must realize that Jesus is on the throne. He is King! We must worship the creator simply because he is almighty. I'm not talking about sitting in your recliner and saying "yup, God's still King." I'm talking about falling prostrate on the ground in worship of the King.
Revival in our community starts with prayer. Let me restate that. Corporate revival starts on the floor. We have to want it. It will mean sacrifice. Discomfort. It will mean that life will not be what it was before. Church will not be what it was before. Change.
Do you want it? Can you feel God moving? Do you see a generation rising up? I do, and I'm not going to miss it.
God, use me as an instrument of your will.

When I began writing this post, I was just going to talk about the House of Prayer. Apparently God had other plans for my train of thought.

Sense

2011-01-14T01:44:00.001-05:00

I’ve been thinking, and I have to be honest. I’m tired of hearing the phrase “what makes the most sense?” when it comes to making decisions. It’s been all around me for a couple months, mostly dealing with my great aunt’s estate, but for other things as well. It seems like it’s catching on. It’s like the phrase of the month around me.

Forget what makes the most sense.
Since when does God’s will always make sense to us? It so often doesn’t. Did it make sense to Peter when Jesus told him to step out of the boat? Did it make sense when Jesus washed the disciple’s feet? Nothing makes sense from a human perspective. We need a God perspective. I will do things, and have done things, that don’t make any sense to the people around me. Why? Because I felt led to do it. Will we live by what makes sense? Or will we live by the Holy Spirit?

Social Justice

2010-12-08T00:09:00.001-05:00

I would like to share this paper that I wrote about social justice. It is my personal thoughts about the role of Christians in social justice, or holistic ministry. The Haugen that I refer to is the founder/CEO of International Justice Mission. I have recently changed my viewpoint on this issue slightly, so I invite you to read this.

Holistic Ministry

There is a role for the Christian in social justice. This is an issue that I have been struggling with all semester long. Toward the beginning of the semester I began ready a book called Revolution in World Missions. Before reading this book, I was unaware of the dangers of holistic ministry. This danger, which Guthrie points out, is that of losing our focus of evangelism. Feeding the hungry, rescuing the slave from oppression, and caring for the sick are all very Biblical activities commanded of Christians. The danger comes when they become the end, the focus, the purpose of ministry.
We are to be a light to the nations. As Haugen pointed out, actively seeking social justice is part of the “good deeds” in Matt 5:16. However, the end goal in that verse is so that they may “glorify your Father in heaven.” Evangelism and conversion are the goal of missions above all other goals. Clearly, this does not mean that we put social justice on the back burner and give it less priority. The scriptures are very clear, as Haugen argued, that seeking social justice is very important to God. Not only so, but we are his primary means of doing this. Psalm 35:10 says, “My whole being will exclaim, “Who is like you, LORD? You rescue the poor from those too strong for them, the poor and needy from those who rob them.” Furthermore, Isaiah 1:17 commands our involvement in this process, “Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.”
Missions should work toward the freeing of people from spiritual and physical bondage or oppression. It should work towards feeding people spiritually and physically. In doing this, the spiritual needs should always come first. As we see in Mark’s account of the feeding of the 5000, Jesus teaches the people before he feeds them. In fact, it was the disciples that seemed initially concerned about the people’s physical need to be fed. The disciples were not wrong in being concerned about this, and Jesus did not neglect to take care of this need. Nonetheless, we see that Jesus’ priority was on the spiritual nourishment rather than the physical. I know of many “ministries” that spend the overwhelming majority of their time, effort, and resources on caring for people’s physical needs, while hardly evangelizing. If this happens, we are wasting our time.
Often, the argument against such strong evangelizing action is concerned about resistance. People suggest that if we introduce a clinic or hospital into an area that is anti-Christian, we can slowly build their trust, and ever so slowly begin to evangelize. I see this as a lack of faith. Where in the Bible did Paul ever so slowly evangelize? His sense of urgency was strong and he outright preached to people who were stoning him. If our focus is evangelism and winning souls for the Lord, we are trusting that God will prepare the way, rather than a hospital preparing the way. Maybe God will use a Christian hospital to prepare the way, but our trust needs to be on God rather than on the hospital.
There are definitely circumstances that demand immediate action and an effort to improve the physical before the spiritual. We must rescue the girl from the brothel before making an effort to minister to her spiritually. We must free the captured slave before we can proclaim the good news of spiritual salvation to them. IJM’s ministry is fantastic; I am entirely behind all that they do. Nevertheless, is physical emancipation required for spiritual freedom? Most definitely not, as exemplified in Haugen’s story of the child prostitute who inscribed verses on the brothel wall. What a testament to faith during trials this is. It is important that Christians seek out social justice in the world with the end goal being “that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

"Overflowing Joy"

2010-11-14T18:19:00.000-05:00

“And now, brothers and sisters, we want you to know about the grace that God has given the Macedonian churches. 2 In the midst of a very severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity. 3 For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own” -2 Corinthians 8:1-3

Every time I read this it is a stark reminder of a reality. We are told of two environmental conditions of these churches, in severe trial and in extreme poverty, each followed by an attitude that seems to contradict their situation. I love the strong language used to describe them, “overflowing joy” and “rich generosity.” These two things combined to the point that they gave “beyond their ability.” Do we have a faith strong enough to give beyond our ability? Do we have an overflowing joy that would prompt this?
I’ll also point out that this attitude is part of the gift of God’s grace. Not a gift that we wait patiently for, but a gift that is given to all believers that have a saving faith. However, as with all gifts, it is something that must be accepted. What is a gift if we do not accept it? It sits in a box and is no use to anyone.

Ponderings

2010-10-08T19:07:00.001-04:00

“The place of redemption is the place where God appears weakest. Where God appears weakest, He is doing the most: This point is the culmination of irony and the paradox. Jesus never looked more incompetent from a human perspective than when He was hanging on the cross, yet He was never doing more from a divine perspective than at that same moment.”

I read this in my text for my Church History class. This is not a direct quote from the protestant reformer, but it is the author’s paraphrase of one of Martin Luther’s thoughts.
I found it incredibly interesting.
It’s deep, but I understand it, and I agree.
It left me pondering other moments in history as well. Is it possible that in the moments that God seems incompetent from a human perspective, he is actually accomplishing the most? An intriguing thought that I will continue to ponder.

Psalms and Proverbs

2010-09-18T16:08:00.002-04:00

This is my second post today, but I just wanted to share this. As I was reading through the Old Testament last spring, I wrote down my favorite Psalms and Proverbs.

Psalms:
37
51
96
100
103
121
138
139
145
146
148

Proverbs:
1:7 3:5-6 4:23-27 6:16-19 7:21-27 10:17
11:4 11:24-25 12:1 12:16 14:21 20:19 21:23
22:1 25:21-22 28:9 28:27 31:8-9

Lamentations 3:19-24

sick of sick

2010-09-18T14:30:00.002-04:00

Happy Saturday
I never really get a weekend because most of my homework is due on Mondays.
Today is really hard for me. Being sick is really starting to wear on me mentally. I wish it would just go away. I've had this cough now for 2 months, and I thought I was over this latest cold, but I went to bed with a fever last night and woke up with a sore throat. I'm trying to accomplish so much this semester, and being constantly physically attacked is making it so much harder.
I had to miss my friends birthday party today.
I'm trying to get homework done, but I can't focus with a headache and stuffy nose.
It's frustrating when the doctor says "get some rest". Thanks doc, I've been sick for 2 months and that's all you got?

I went to the college kick-off at my new church last night and it was a lot of fun. I think I'm going to really like it there.
When I got out of my car in front of my house last night, these two black guys walked by and asked if I'd give them a ride to the 7/11. I said sure, why not. Turns out they are new to the area and don't have any friends. One of them is coming over sometime so I can help him with his math homework. This is why living in the city is cooler than living in the woods.

Making friends

2010-09-15T12:02:00.002-04:00

I was really expecting my classmates at GRCC to be really lame. It's just the stereotype of community college students that I had. I mean, everyone at West Shore fit the description. As it turns out, I think my classmates are really cool. Maybe it won't be so hard to meet new friends outside of camp people (no offense camp people, but I need to get out more).
On the same note of meeting new friends, Kris and I went to Berkley Hills Wesleyan Church last Sunday and we both loved it. I'm pretty sure that I'm done searching for a church down here. Everyone says that "church shopping" is so hard. Every time I've done it, I've found where I want to go on the first or second try. I thought it was funny that we met a bunch of Kuyper students there. Kuyper is a reformed college (which is opposite of Wesleyan). Just a little humor for my day. The church is less than a mile from my house, so I'm really excited about living right in the neighborhood of my church. I think driving 30 minutes to church defeats part of the purpose of church.

I watched Invictus last night. I would just like to say that I think it is stupid that we do not learn about this kind of stuff in public school. All they care about in public school is American history (it builds patriotism after all). We never learned about foreign issues and world history. The story behind that movie is incredible. If I could choose to have witnessed one sporting event in history, it would have been that.
I'm guessing that we don't talk about Nelson Mandela in American schools because he is famous for criticizing the US saying "If there is a country that has committed unspeakable atrocities in the world, it is the United States of America. They don't care."
But I would have to agree with him.

9/11

2010-09-11T11:38:00.002-04:00

Today is September 11th, if you didn't already know.
This day is a little weird.
All year we fight and bicker as a country
but then on this day people forget about it
as we come together and remember our common enemy
We set aside a couple minutes on this day to pray
for the families of those who've lost
It sounds all well and good, but it's so fake
Tomorrow we will forget again
Tomorrow we will begin fighting and bickering again
and what about the other tragedies?
did we stop to remember the 2000 people who died in Katrina?
did we pray for their families?
do we even remember the date that it happened? (Aug 29th)
How about the 200,000 people that died from the Tsunami?
or the 200,000 people that died in Haiti last January
are we going to stop and remember them?
Probably not
So why 9/11?
Because behind 9/11 is the enemy, an actual tangible foe
Someone we can retaliate against.
we can't take revenge on a hurricane or an earthquake.
If we can come together against a common enemy we build patriotism.
and every good tax paying, ball park loving, consumeristic American loves their patriotism.

But what if we're told to love our enemies and pray for them (Matt 5:43,44)?

Stormy Stormy night, and improvement on Van Gogh

2010-09-03T01:11:00.004-04:00

Well, all of my classes are underway. It's going to be very difficult, but I think I'm going to make it. I just have to work on my priorities.
Roommate life is going well. The roomies are finally getting busy so they are less of a distraction. When none of them had classes, I was having a difficult time getting work done. My largest concern at the moment is that, with my insane amount of school work, keeping up with spiritual disciplines is increasingly difficult. So I would appreciate your prayers in this area. I can already begin to see my lack of getting into the Word and prayer affecting my thoughts and decisions.

I have to say that I am excited for autumn. Summer is my favorite season, and I hate winter with a burning passion. This has been a very long and hot summer (which I thoroughly enjoyed), and I am excited about the prospect of wearing my hoodie and drinking hot chocolate. In a perfect world the seasons would go from summer to fall to spring. Sometimes I become sad in the fall because it reminds me that winter is coming.

Also, I absolutely love storms and I wish that I was on the east coast right now.

GR life begins again

2010-08-26T18:55:00.002-04:00

Howdy.

My online classes started on Tuesday. It looks like it's going to be a lot of work, but so far no sign of big papers. I'm taking research writing at the CC, so that is going to be a big enough source of large papers. If you could continue to pray for my time management, I would appreciate it. It's not something that I am naturally good at, so it will take some work.

Last week was my "fun week" before I headed off to GR for school. Unfortunately, I was really down about some stuff right when the week started, and it sort of made the week less exciting. Thursday was a real pick-me-up, though, because I got to catch up with some old friends who had great reports of their walk with the Lord.

Now, I begin the process of searching for a church to attend in GR. I found what seems to be a nice Wesleyan church right down the road that I am going to check out. One of the things that I am looking for is proximity. I really want to find a church that is really close to where I am living. Driving 30 minutes or more to church is lame. Obviously, the church must have sound doctrine. I am also looking for a church that is abnormal. Normality is overrated. There are lots of things that could qualify for this. Maybe it's multicultural, maybe it's a house church, maybe they are just willing to think way outside the box when it comes to ministry, or maybe their worship service isn't your standard 3 songs, meet and greet, offering, sermon, another song to close and then leave.
I'm not going to leave a church because I'm not being "fed" adequately by the pastor, if I felt that way I would just listen to sermons from John Piper online. I'm looking for a church where I can connect, love people, be loved by people, and serve along side loving people in ministry.

Putting my face in the dirt

2010-08-05T23:44:00.003-04:00

I was driving home from a wedding rehearsal tonight and in the process I listened to two separate sermons on the radio. They were from two different pastors, one out of the book of Job and one out of Romans. They had a common theme, and one that I needed to be reminded of again.

What is our view of God? No, he is not here to help us live a better life in 10 easy steps. Life is not about us and what we can get out of it. Life is about God. God is immeasurably greater than us, almighty, most holy. Why do I not often find myself face down in the dirt, prostrate, bowing down to God's reverence. Not metaphorically, not just a state of mind, but physically in the dirt. How often do we realize our state of depravity and break down, tears running down our faces, unable to do anything but proclaim God's majesty? Too often I take God's grace for granted as I continue to cut corners and sin here and there (it seems ok, because they're not the "big" sins). I should fall flat on my face in tears of repentance every time I disobey the Lord in the small things. We serve a God far greater than any of us can imagine, yet we neglect to give him the praise he deserves.

This thought began earlier this summer when a friend, in tears, opened up to me that this is where he is. As we sat and talked in a mosquito infested swamp for two hours, He said that even the mosquitoes obeyed God's command, yet we cannot. We do not even deserve to kill the mosquitoes biting us right now, because they obey God and we don't. Thanks friend; I thought I was there to help you in that moment, but you don't realize how much you changed my life.

Life Transitions

2010-07-29T11:13:00.003-04:00

So I haven't posted on here in a long time, but now that the camp season is coming to a close I'd like to get back into it.

It's an odd thing when something you've known for a long time comes to an end. It's just a strange feeling. Not necessarily sad, but strange. Leaving high school was strange, leaving Cornerstone was strange; and now, leaving camp is strange. Camp is a place that has been a massive part of my life for the past 5 years. It has definitely been the best experience of my life so far. It is where I have met and had fellowship with some of the strongest Christians I know. I've also had so many joyful opportunities to disciple younger people. Spending the extra time to get to know the high school volunteers this year was amazing. I could have coasted through my last summer and just got by with the minimum required of me, but I ended up having an amazing summer because I invested my time in people. I hope that I impacted their lives as much as they impacted mine.

So now I leave on Saturday, with no intent to work here again. The excitement of the unknown awaits me. I am pumped for whatever God has in store for me in the future. This fall I will be busy with 21 credit hours at school, plus a ministry, plus the friends that I have promised to invest time in. I would appreciate prayers for time management, it's going to be crazy. Lord willing I will be graduating with a BS in Biblical Studies next summer. I'm totally filled with joy knowing that I have no idea what I'm going to do after that. College and Camp is what I've known for 5 years. Being done with both of these, I could go anywhere, and that excites me. My plan is to continue serving God with all I have.

It's funny how God changes people. 10 years ago, if you told me that I should go serve God in a remote village in South America, I would have said you were crazy. Now, I'd be down with it.

Random thought of the day: Some of the most important things that I've learned in life have been taught to me by those that I was placed in authority over. Are you willing to learn from those under you? Because, maybe in reality, they are above you.

Life

2010-02-15T00:42:00.003-05:00

14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

I would like to say that I suck. God, thank you for your saving grace,... please help me to suck less and live more like Jesus.

Life is Unpredictable: an update on nate's life

2010-01-25T14:55:00.000-05:00

In case you didn't read it on Facebook

Well, I figured it was time that I told everyone what was going on in my life recently.
I was on track (or so I thought) to get a bachelors in biology by the end of spring 2011. A couple Sunday's ago, as I was driving, my prayers got a little more heated than normal. I was quite frustrated, that after all this time floundering around in college, I still couldn't seem to get a glimpse of God's purpose for my life.
Monday came and it was the first day of class. I sat at the computer in the library and took a closer look at what classes I was going to need for my degree. I realized that the classes I thought were going to transfer, weren't going to work the way I needed them to. It would likely take one more year than I thought to graduate. I took this as a response to my prayer and I was deeply unsettled about the direction I was going. The following 2 days were very difficult as my mind was spinning with uncertainty.
I decided, with much prayer and counsel, to drop my classes and devote my time this semester to spiritual training. I am excited to spend time studying the word and getting to know my creator even more.
Next fall I would like to enroll in a missions training program. I have not decided which one, but Bethany college of missions in MN is at the top of the list at the moment (www.bcom.org). I have known for a while that I would like to be involved somehow in church planting. I have also known for a while that I love studying and experiencing cultures different from my own. It seems only logical that I should put these two passions together and go into missions. Maybe to others it seemed obvious for awhile that I should be a missionary. I don't know. Because they never told me. Or I wasn't listening. Either way, it wasn't obvious to me until a week ago.

I would appreciate your prayers as I continue to discern God's will for my life and follow it.

Slavery to Sin

2009-09-24T17:30:00.003-04:00

The school year is well under way and I am a little more overloaded than I would like to be. Nevertheless, I am going back to posting regular blogs, because it makes me write my thoughts down (which is healthy), and it allows me to keep anyone who reads this in the loop.

In my studies I have struggled with the concept of being a slave to sin, then breaking free of those chains as a result of putting faith in Christ, but yet still stumbling into sin again and again. I had a hard time putting into words a distinction between the before and after of sins control in our lives.
Romans 6:6
"For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin"

I was life guarding the other day when my thought process led me to credit card debt. When someone has a massive amount of credit card debt (an impossible amount to repay), they become a slave to it. The interest raises the debt faster than they can pay it. It causes a downward spiral in their life. Their slavery causes them to continue to use the credit card to pay for stuff. Maybe, they even give up hope, so they continue to use the card knowing they would never be able to repay it anyway.
So lets relate the debt to sin. When we put our faith in Christ, his death payed the debt in full. gone. The downward spiral begins to stop. The money we were pumping into the interest payments can be used for food and rent (instead of using the credit card for all that). We are no longer bound to using the card, we have the choice of putting it away. Maybe sometimes we stumble and swipe the card here and there... but Christ's payment covered all future debts as well.
To make matters worse... it only takes one sin to accumulate this massive debt.
John 8:34
"Jesus answered them, 'Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is a slave to sin'."
Thank you Jesus for paying off my debt and breaking the chains of my enslavement!

The moral: I don't matter.

2009-07-24T14:02:00.004-04:00

Another season of camp comes to an end. For the past 4 summers this has probably been the hardest part of the year for me. I spend the first part of the summer building this beautiful picture of Christian community. Then the end of July comes around and it gets torn down. It's almost like I go through a period of grieving. I suppose that's a good way to describe it, because something that meant a lot to me is gone forever. There will never be that same community until the new earth.

A healthy part of the grieving process is holding on to the memories. So my favorite part of the rest of the year is getting together with camp friends and laughing about our memories from camp.

I am relieved to hear that, from the outside, people were saying how much better the staff seemed this year. That they were more united, and that they reflected the attitude of Christ. It was an encouraging thing to hear after finishing what might have been my hardest summer. It's hard to compare because the previous summers seem so long ago. Being in charge of the waterfront was something I wasn't looking forward to, but it turned out to be fine. Sometimes it felt like an escape for me from other parts of camp.
I struggled a lot with pride this summer. I would be helping with something and I would get frustrated because I wanted it done my way. If you were there this summer you might not have noticed, at least I hope you didn't. Whether it was the right thing to do or not, I began to do my best to avoid helping with things that would exacerbate this attitude. The waterfront was different, because it was in my job description for things to go my way there; so it was never a struggle. That's probably why it became my escape, in a way.
This struggle was not a surprise to me going into the summer, but it was a little harder than I thought it would be.

Before I finish up this update, I want to make sure that you don't think it was all gloomy for me this summer. It was an excellent summer! I had a great time. It actually doesn't matter if I had a good time or not. What does matter is that a very large number of kids and teens were eternally impacted for Christ. It was a very exciting summer of surrendered lives. Lots of parties in heaven going on. One counselor shared that 9 of his campers accepted Christ at one of their Bible studies. Praise God. I also appreciate your prayers regarding spiritual warfare. It was a very real thing, but Jesus came out victorious time and time again.

Philippians 2:

1If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
6Who, being in very nature[a] God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
7but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature[b] of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
9Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
10that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

A day off

2009-06-30T13:35:00.002-04:00

So I'm sitting in the Shay Station (coffee shop) because today is my day off.

There is so much I could write about right now, since I haven't written anything in a long time. I suppose I will start with the two things that hold the biggest place in my heart.

Jessica's House has been really interesting in the past month and a half. The walk across Michigan was successful and I was able to raise $1000. This money got them caught up on all the expenses, so she was able to break even. More recently we learned that the owner of the warehouse was kicking them out because they didn't want the children around. Jessica had found a house that they could stay in for $200 a month, but they needed a deposit of $800 to move in. I was a little discouraged by this because I didn't know where it would come from. Nevertheless, I was trusting God to provide. I worked harder at selling the Jessica's House T-shirts and was able to come up with about $150. Then, my dad talked to me yesterday and told me that people from his church got together and came up with $800 to send over there. God bless them. I was blown away. I am so excited right now. The last I heard, Jessica was planning on moving the children into the house today!
We still have to come up with $200 a month for the rent, but I have complete faith that the Lord will provide. Please let me know if you are interesting in being a monthly blessing to this ministry.

The second piece of my heart is camp, of course. Camp is going very well. Kids and teenagers are being impacted for eternity! I get to witness life change taking place everyday. I really think I have the best job in the world.
If you are asking how you can pray for us, this is how. Most people see camp as a safe "Christian bubble", and in some ways it probably is. The reality is, we are on the front lines of a massive spiritual battle. The evil one is not at all happy about what takes place at camp. He does everything he can to prevent it from happening. So please pray that God would bind the evil one from interfering in the work of the Lord here at camp.
I get excited when strange things happen because I know I'm doing something right. Satan's usual tactics continue to fail at camp. He normally finds success in causing disunity, bitterness, and resentment among Christians. These things prevent the work of the Lord. Praise the Lord, rarely do these evil strategies work among our staff, so Satan gets desperate. That's when strange things happen. Sometimes frightening things. Sometimes just really really frustrating things. So pray that God would give us the perseverance to press on regardless of what comes our way.

walk update 2

2009-05-10T18:42:00.001-04:00

Check out LiveTheJesusRevolution.blogspot.com for the rest of the walk updates. Thanks for your support!

Walk Across Michigan: Update 1

2009-05-08T11:28:00.003-04:00

Hey all.

I wanted to post an update on here before I left, but I couldn't get online at the library in St Clair Shores.

Day 1
I have to say, I got a lot of strange looks walking through the outskirts of Detroit with my huge backpack on. Overall, it was a fairly uneventful day until I was about ready to call it a night. I walked into a neighborhood planning to go up to people's houses and ask if I could stay in my tent in their yard. A guy across the street yelled at me asking what I was doing (I get that a lot), so I told him. He invited me in for dinner and then let me sleep in his backyard. He was Philippino and had all kinds of stories from back home. When he was a teenager, the rebels came through his property and asked (at gunpoint) if he would cook up some food for them. The problem was that if the other soldiers came by and saw them, they would have accused him of harboring rebels. Yikes... It was a good evening with some quality conversation.

Day 2
Just before noon, my weather man (Mike Johnson) called me and let me know that there was a storm on the way. I had just enough time to find some shelter before the sky let loose. It lasted about an hour, and then I was on my way again. In the evening, I tried to find a yard to stay in, but no one would let me, so I kept walking. I finally came upon a park. It had a nice dark corner where no one went, so I laid my sleeping bag out and went to sleep.

Day 3
This brings me to today. Since I was sleeping in park, I woke up bright and early before people would use the park (6:00am). Waking up so early gave me enough time to get all the way to Novi before lunch. This is where I am now, and my parents have met me here so my dad can walk with me for a while.

I will bring you up to date the next time I happen across a library.

Crazy Life

2009-04-17T13:24:00.002-04:00

Things are happening and life is flying by!
I am leading worship at Voice Of Hope Church in Wayland on May 24th to see if I would be a good fit to be their worship leader. Praise the Lord.

I am still planning on walking across Michigan in May... and that is coming up really quick... kinda crazy.

I have a lot of homework coming due and it's making me nervous that I wont get it done...

Happy Velociraptor Awareness Day!

Susan Boyle Rocks!

Paintball scenerio this weekend!

Peace out.

For Them

2009-04-16T13:08:00.000-04:00

Check out this song. It really gets at where my heart is.

A flood of emotions

2009-04-09T01:40:00.003-04:00

I am in a very strange mood right now. I'm not really sure how to explain it. I am feeling so many conflicting emotions. Maybe it's just that I need sleep.
Part of me is excited, grateful, and happy. But at the same time I am sad, discouraged, angry, and broken.

-I am excited for camp. I have a great feeling about this summer, I know that God will do amazing works in people's lives and I am pumped about being a part of that.
-I am grateful that Jesus smashed my heart... and then sewed it back together to look more like His
-and I am happy (for lack of a more appropriate word) because I had a great talk with my Mormon missionary friends today (no, I am not Mormon, I just like to talk to the Mormons)

I am sad, discouraged, and angry because we live in a fallen world and it SUCKS. The devil and his schemes are powerful and tricky. He is always throwing his arrows at me and trying to get me to fall. It seems like something new everyday. I am thankful I have a greater weapon... I just wish I was diligent enough to practice with it more often so I don't look like a bumbling fool when I try and use it.

These emotions come and go... or like tonight, all come at the same time. Yet there is another emotion that I did not mention. I did not put it with the others because I don't think it is actually an emotion. As I have said before, joy is a mindset, it is a choice. Being an opposite of joy, bitterness is likewise a mindset and a choice.

Everyday I fight off the bitterness. It seems to be my default mindset.
I don't want to be bitter. Yet, every morning, I wake up with bitterness trying to fill my thoughts. Everyday I stop myself and say "no, there is a better way".
It's not that I'm bitter at one particular person; no, that would be too easy to solve. If you know me well enough, you could probably guess where my bitterness comes from. I just can't stand American Christians. I could go on and on, but you've probably heard it. Christians in this country are pansies. Sometimes when the bitterness takes control, I don't even want to call myself a Christian out of shame. Not because I'm ashamed of Jesus, no no... I would die for Him in a heart beat. But because I'm ashamed to be associated with Christians in America. Now you know the inner struggle of Nate Storvik.
It is a struggle because I know it's not right. We are not called to be bitter, we are called to love. There is hope yet for the church in America, I am not about to give up on it. Everyday when I wake up I have to choose peace, love, and joy; only with these can things be made right... bitterness will solve nothing. It is a scheme of the devil to inspire hate.

Shreddin the Gnar

2009-04-06T15:27:00.002-04:00

I realize that the name of my blog is no longer accurate, as I do not post daily. My life is too busy for that, and even now I should be doing other things. Oh well...

I would like to start by saying that this weekend was a lot of fun. More importantly, though, it was challenging too. If you don't know, I had the privilege of being an adult chaperon/driver for the Temple Hill youth group for the Dare 2 Share conference in Chicago. I love the THBC youth group a lot and it was awesome to hang with them again. I am a fan of Dare 2 Share a lot more than Acquire The Fire. ATF is nice and all, but D2S is much more challenging. Not only is it challenging, but they equip you and then throw you into situations right then to practice evangelism... and it's amazingly awkward.
Anywho... it was a great re-charge and greatly encouraging to gather with so many other hard-core Jesus followers. One of the kids from another group told his story of leading a guy to Christ in the middle of a gas station Friday... because he was willing to share his faith everywhere he went. That's cool stuff.

I would appreciate your prayer for my health. I am scheduling a doctors appointment to get their opinion. I have lost most of my appetite for food. I am hungry like I should be, I can feel my stomach growling, and I force myself to eat, but food just lost it's appeal to me. I'm not really sure why this is.

I need to find ways to expand my circle of influence to non-Christians. One of the main things they talked about this weekend was to think of someone in your life that doesn't know Jesus that you can evangelize to... and I was like... um... shoot. I've effectively run out of non-Christian friends that are a regular part of my life. That needs to stop. So i guess you could pray about that too.

I pray like a sissy
thought I would throw that out there.

Another conviction of mine is facebook. Ok... I use it to communicate with people, but that is just my excuse for justifying an addiction. This weekend, Derwin said "maybe you spend more time on facebook than in the Word..." when he was talking about distractions in life. yikes... that was like a knife to the chest. I'm not going to quite using facebook, but I will start being conscious of my time on it, verses my time in the Word; not because I'm going to start being religious about the way I use my time, but because I have a desire to grow closer to God and facebook is not the best tool for that... the Bible and prayer are the best tools for that.
I need you guys to keep me accountable on that.

I'm shreddin the gnar (that would be surfer lingo for going all in... going big rather than going home).

Focused on Jesus

2009-03-10T23:23:00.005-04:00

I know I just posted a blog yesterday, but it wasn't all that interesting and I thought of something interesting to talk about (ok, well, I find it interesting).

I was reading an article on the church (no surprise there) and it really resonated with things that I've been thinking about. First of all, I would really recommend reading the article (especially if you don't know what modernism and postmodernism are... since then you may not understand what I'm talking about) and I put the link at the bottom for ya'll.

(for the purposes of this rant, I am referring to the philosophical worldview of postmodernism, not the cultural view of postmodernism)

I've always had a problem with postmodernism. It has some nice qualities to it, and I can really identify with a lot of its concepts. However, I really struggle with its foundation. One of the foundational building blocks of postmodernism is that there are no absolute truths. This is in response to modernism, where essentially everything is explainable by absolutes. Of course, modernism leaves the church in a pickle because it can't explain miracles and other unexplainable Biblical concepts. Yet, on the other side of the spectrum, postmodernism destroys the authority of the Bible. If there are no absolute truths, than how can we trust the validity of the Bible? This thought process leaves some churches with the mindset that we can simply pick and chose things out of the Bible that "feel true to us".
I hold strongly to the fact that the Bible is authoritative and eternally absolute.
I also hold that there are works of the Spirit that are simply not explainable by science (not to mention that the existence of God is not explainable by science).
Therefore, I do not have a modernistic or a postmodern worldview.

As a church, we ought to hold on to the worldview that is Jesus.
We shouldn't entirely focus on proving things through science
We shouldn't entirely focus on being "hip"
We shouldn't entirely focus on being intensely structured
and we shouldn't entirely focus on being "spiritual"
We SHOULD be entirely focused on Jesus and doing what He did.

I used the word "entirely" because I don't think that those things are necessarily wrong, as long as they come second to being focused on Jesus.

I would also like to point out that I rarely see those priorities in the right order in churches, but it does happen.

That is my rant on the church's worldview, thanks for reading... oh, and here's the link for the article that got my brain moving.

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/columns/church-today/348-stick-a-fork-in-it-postmodernism

community

2009-03-09T12:58:00.003-04:00

With a few edits and touch-ups this morning, my term paper is finally complete. I really can't express how relieving that is. So now, I'm going to take a bit of time to write here before i get back to the rest of my homework.

If you read my last post (well... last two, since they were basically one) you can see that I've been a little discouraged. Ok, a lot. So, let me update everyone on this. Yesterday might have been the worst of it (didn't help that I had a splitting headache). There wasn't anything in particular that happened yesterday that would have worsened it, it was just cumulative I guess. Anyways, I just sort of vegged out in front of the TV last night and stopped caring about reality for a while. I will finish out this thought by saying that today is much better. The roller coaster is clearly going back up.

I'm pretty excited for March Madness... anyone else? GO STATE!

I'm tired of being in this state of not belonging anywhere. It's really bizarre, and I don't like it. I have friends all over the world, but I don't feel at home anywhere. Well, I feel at home at camp, but that only consumes 3 months of my life and then its back to being homeless. I see people having real community and I long for it, but it always seems just outside of my grasp. I don't even have a hometown to go back to and visit it seems. The actual place is still there, but practically none of the people i knew remain there.
Community... its just one of those things to add to the list of "later". It'll happen later in life when I'm established. really?
I get the feeling that its like tithing... in the sense that if I don't get in the habit of it NOW, it's delusional to think that I will later in life "when I'm established". like I'll ever be "established" anyway... lets face it.

I'm a little curious if my splitting headache yesterday was related to the fact that I didn't have any coffee all day... In which case I should probably detox
who knows... it could have been completely non-related.

A Clarification

2009-02-28T12:41:00.002-05:00

Let me clarify my previous blog post (so please read this in conjunction with the next one).

When I speak of passion, I am talking about my Africa passion. The actions, or lack there of, of the church have only made me more passionate about other things.
I very excited about what the future holds, and I know the church will do great things.
Recent experiences, such as serving at the boiler room, have been incredibly inspiring.
I want everyone to know that I am not giving up on "the church", but rather, I seek to help it where it has fallen.

My frustration yesterday comes from my Africa passion being sucked out of me by the apathy around me. I want to be passionate and on fire to help these people, but I've lost it and I need a jump start.

Peace and Love

Fears Coming Alive

2009-02-27T20:32:00.002-05:00

I'm having a hard time getting my mind to focus back on homework again after I had to take a break and go to an appointment. So, I figured I would do this for a bit.

What I have feared most about coming back to America is indeed happening. I knew it would, yet I tried and tried to fight it. I'm losing the passion. I find myself buried in a stack of school books as I watch the passion for my new love drain away. It's so easy, it seems, to ease back into that state of apathy from which I came.
I knew why it would happen too, and yet there was nothing I could do about it. You see, apathy is contagious. It's a nasty virus that runs rampant in America, and I knew that I would catch it when I got back.
I even knew where I would catch it. Most people avoid a place if they know it contains a disease, but lets face it, I can't avoid the church; and I shouldn't.
The church...
After reading about the church in the Bible, it's the last place I would expect to find such a disease, but sadly it triumphs uncontrolled in the American church.
I am so frustrated by the Bureaucracy of the churches I am trying to work with. I am growing increasingly impatient of the system. The system is where good ideas go to die. I still have hope, but realistically, I am quite aware that my passionate plans will likely not make it out alive.

Before you think that I hate the church let me clarify. I am frustrated with the church to be sure. Never-the-less, the church is my mother, and God is still moving through it. I love the church and without it I would not be here.

That is all for now.

craziness and president bashing...

2009-02-12T23:43:00.003-05:00

Its been a while since I've posted something so I figured it was time. Then I will go into my cave of homework ne'er to return. dun-dun-dun

I did not have an original topic in mind, so this is just free flowing thoughts.

I have been rather swamped this semester, its a little crazy. It has been nice to get some positive feedback on my work recently. At least I know I'm going in the right direction with my school work. It is sad to me though that I do not have time as of late to do things that are important to me. I haven't been able to spend as much time with my small group as I want. I also feel like there are friends that are slipping away further and further into oblivion, but I am too busy to do anything about it.

I have this problem where I constantly feel that school gets in the way of life. I want to be out there doing the things I am studying. I sit on my couch studying evangelism, but I'm not doing it. I study what a church should look like, but I'm just sitting on the sidelines and not getting my hands dirty in becoming what the church should look like. I get frustrated because I am an incredibly impatient person. I want it to happen now. but then I am constrained by the system, so it can't happen now. Nothing happens now, even if it needs to.
I get sick of waiting on the system. Doesn't anyone get a sense of urgency about anything anymore?

I have mentioned this before, but lets be real. Like him or not, don't bash the president. I myself am guilty of this from time to time, but insulting someone is clearly a sin (rebuking out of love is not a sin, but president bashing doesn't qualify here). On top of that, we are to respect our authority. We should even be praying for him. Honestly, I look around and see professing Christians outright insulting Obama left and right. It almost makes me sick to my stomach. My Jesus doesn't do that, so neither will I, and if I do I hope that you will rebuke me.
It is certainly OK to question authority... in fact, I encourage it. Blindly following authority is stupid. Question everything! but, questioning authority does not mean insulting authority.
I may get flack for this one, but, just because someone is pro-choice does not mean they are a baby-killer, nor does it give you the right to call them one.
I won't even go into the homosexual-marriage debate, lest I get burned at the stake.
and before I get burned at the stake anyway because of what I have implied... I'm not pro-abortion and I'm not pro-gay-marriage.
I do know though, that Jesus loves gay people, and he also loves doctors who perform abortions.
ok, I've strayed off my original topic, to recap... disagree with him if you want, but don't bash the prez.

Ok, I need sleep so I can get up and do homework :-)

Looking behind the curtain...

2009-01-22T17:21:00.003-05:00

And... we're back.

I'm sitting here in a coffee shop, wondering where I'm going.
Have you ever thought about why you exist?
I'm not talking about why "we" exist... as humans (I don't really like philosophy)
why do I exist as an individual? I believe that everyone exists for a reason. So, out of 6 billion reasons, what's mine?
I have come to terms with the fact that I may never know. But that doesn't mean that I stop wondering. I never stop wondering.

After coming back to America I find myself wondering, why was I blessed by being born in America? Why am I in that 5% of the worlds population? Why do they say I am blessed to live in America? Have we confused the difference between a blessing and a curse? I find myself a slave. I am a slave to the American dream. As much as I say I don't want the American dream, I can't take the chains off. Excuse my language, but the American dream sucks. It sucks the life out of you and it sucks the joy out of you.
I feel like a dog on a chain. Have you ever seen a dog take off after something forgetting that he was on a chain? Then you see the dog stop in mid-stride as he discovers he's tied up. I keep trying to run away from this way of life, but I try and then remember I can't. I have all of these contracts and obligations that keep me from the world outside my dog pen.
In the meantime, we do what we can to glorify God in our current circumstances. Someday I'll be free from my chain and I'll leave the dog pen, but as it turns out, there's plenty of things to do inside the pen for now. That doesn't mean, though, that I don't despise these chains.

I'm still trying to process my trip... and to be honest it's going to take a long time. Here are some random thoughts:

I will never understand how so much communication was possible between me and the street kids. Sometimes when I think about it, I forget that I didn't speak their language.

I saw joy in those kids that I rarely get the chance to witness. Someone jokingly said, "you mean they were joyful and they didn't have a Wii?!?". I can't say this more plainly, I witnessed joy in some of those boys that I have never witnessed in any child that owned a Wii. And yet, some people still have the mindset that joy is found in possessions.

Everyone should leave the country at least once in their life (sorry, Canada doesn't count). Actually, I think everyone should spend time in a 3rd world country at least once (ok, Mexico is acceptable and it's a 2nd world country... but going further away is cooler).

When I experience another culture again, I will plan to stay longer; like a semester, or a year.

So, I have thoughts about the inauguration, but this post is long enough, I'll save it.

-Peace

Abundance and Trust

2008-12-07T23:03:00.003-05:00

Unless I get bored between now and Thursday, this will most likely be my last post on here before I leave. If I haven't already planned to meet with you before I go, than chances are I won't have time to. Not trying to be mean, it's just the reality of it. This last week is going to be crazy.

I just have some random thoughts that I wanted to write down before I forgot them... chances are I forgot some of them already anyway.

My friend Alissa wrote a blog about living an abundant life. I wanted to touch on that. The other day I was writing in a journal. Unlike when I write in here, my thoughts were raw, they were flowing onto the paper as I was thinking them. So, by the time I had gotten to the end of the entry, I had changed my mindset (this is why I like writing my thoughts down). The summary of my realization has a lot to do with this morning's sermon. I keep making plans; even though i know that God has something else, I keep making them. I keep planning how I will serve the Lord in the future... in fact, I was spending almost all of my time planning how I was going to serve Him. In a sense, I kept saying later, later, later. God kept saying now, now, now. A few days ago it hit me like someone threw a brick at me. At that point I decided to make it a priority in my life to live like Jesus NOW, not tomorrow.

Let me share with you my first experience in this adventure. After making this decision, I realized that I didn't really know what it was going to look like. That's the beauty of it I suppose. So I did the first thing that came to mind. I bought a poinsettia and gave it to a man in a retirement home. We proceeded to have a 2 hour long conversation (He was deaf, so it was more of a monologue). It was amazing. I was so uncomfortable, but at the same time it was sooo cool.

Jesus said, I have come so that you may have life and have it more abundantly. I'm pretty sure that this is what He meant by "more abundantly". unfortunately, People who preach the prosperity gospel will teach you that, by "abundantly", He meant for us to be healthy and financially secure (when I hear the word abundant, I think of money first, that comes naturally). I submit that what He was going for was more of the opposite. Whenever I give of my Time/money/other resources, I feel alive. whenever I endanger myself for the cause of Jesus, I feel more alive than ever (whether that be endangering my financial security, my health, or maybe even a relationship). Living like Jesus might just mean being crazy like Jesus was. This takes trust though, which happens to be my next topic.

Trust is something you could write books about and not be able to fully explain it, so let me sum it up in a sentence.
Trusting in God is being willing to put yourself out on the line and endanger yourself while knowing that He will provide for your every need (not your every want).
A daunting task to be sure, but every time I dip my toes in and try it, I feel more alive than ever.
Right now, what this looks like in my life is easier to pinpoint than usual. One of the reasons that all of this is on my mind is because of the Goliath that stands in front of me (so-to-speak). I am leaving for Africa in T minus 4 days. Exciting to be sure, except I still need another $500 before i can go. I'm at the end of the rope. It would be lying to say that I'm not worried. Yet, I trust that it is in God's hands. God is the maker of all things... what is $500 to Him?
If you wouldn't mind praying for me though, now would be the time.

Well, that was only my first thought... haha. So, I guess I'll just leave you with that. I encourage you to watch the video (seen below). I saw that it was shown at Lifeline tonight (thanks Alissa). I knew about this last year too and I think it's amazing, so check it out.

I choose joy.

2008-12-02T15:29:00.003-05:00

It seems like everything in life is bad news. I mean, there is the occasional good moment, where something goes right, but it is rare.

I'm always curious as to which force is at work. When I get bad news, it is because God is trying to tell me that I'm not doing what He wants me to do... or is it because I'm not doing what Satan wants, so he is fighting back. How do we know which it is? How do we know who is closing the doors?

The natural human response to bad news is to get depressed, angry, or to give up. I am not perfect, but I am learning how to find joy in the bad news of life. If I'm fighting against Satan, than joy (through Christ) is my best weapon. Satan is trying to get us to lose sight of joy. So when I am reminded that I don't have enough money for my trip, I respond by saying that God must have something special in mind. If it is God who wants me to do something different, than I think joy will help me find it.

The Bible says to choose joy in all things. That's what I like about joy, it's a choice. When trials come our way we have a choice to make. We can choose depression, we can choose anger, or... we can choose joy. The choice seems obvious to me. unfortunately, the other two are so much easier to choose... It's human nature.

-->
on the right of the page there is a facebook thing, so if you want you can follow the blog on facebook (if it works...). you just have to click on the link over there. no promises.

Unconditional

2008-11-23T23:44:00.004-05:00

Its blog time!

I am excited because I am going home for a week for Thanksgiving.
I find it interesting when people ask what are you thankful for. I ask people this question too, and it's a good thing to think about. I was just thinking though, about what I was thankful for. I couldn't think of something to write. Not because I'm not thankful for anything. I just can't decide what to write down because I don't know what I'm not thankful for. Just ponder that.
Everything has its purpose, how can I narrow it down to one thing?
I'm thankful for EVERYTHING.

Tonight was a surprise worship night at youth group; meaning the lesson was short and we worshiped through song for a longer time. We also had communion. The leaders knew about it, but not the students.
From the sermon this morning, to the worship night tonight, to conversations with people today, it has been an interesting day, and a day spent getting closer to God.
I've spent a lot of today in thought... even while doing everything else.
In thought about His love.
God's love.
It's amazing.
Irrevocable.
Surprising.
Truthful.
Good.
Unconditional.
...Unconditional... have you thought about that lately?
Unconditional.
We live in a world of conditional love. People are loved only if they express love. People are not loved, because of things that they've done. It is so hard for us to comprehend a love that is given with no conditions. It's not what we are used to. But it's beautiful. It's a love that doesn't hold grudges. It's a love that says "yesterday was yesterday, it's done, gone, forgiven, let's work on today".

"And God, I thank you for your love; but God, I'll never understand"
-Love Me Still

Last night I was reading Ted Bundy's testimony. If you don't know who he is, he raped and killed an estimated 30 people. Ted Bundy found forgiveness in God. Jesus died on the cross for a serial killer. Unconditional. I get to worship God in heaven next to a serial killer! Unconditional. The thief on the cross. Unconditional.

How long has it been since you've thought about it? Unconditional.
A love with no conditions.

Homeless for Jesus + Thoughts on the Reunion

2008-11-19T22:27:00.003-05:00

I have two things on my mind tonight.

I have this strong desire to sell everything I have and live on the street. I hate having loans to pay off, because that's literally the only thing keeping me from doing it. I'm not saying that God has called everyone to this lifestyle I desire... but, the American dream is a construct of the devil, and I would like to get as far from it as possible. We must decrease so that He can increase.
That's all I have to say about that thought.

Second thought:
The CLBC reunion/leadership retreat was sweet. I could say a million positive experiences from said weekend; this is not one of them.
It was unfortunate that the reunion was only a few days after the election. I was more than ready to be done with it all after the 4th. Yet, it was a topic of discussion all weekend it seemed. Okay, fine, I can deal with some more politics if you really have to bring it up. Here's what made me angry though. There was blatantly obvious political division. Things being said like "how can you be a Christian and yet vote for him?". Seriously?!? I don't care if you voted for Osama Bin Laden on Nov 4th, it's over. done. unchangeable. Irrelevant.
My Lord is Jesus
My King is Jesus
My Prime Minister is Jesus
My President is Jesus
I want you to know that who you voted for on Nov 4th doesn't effect our friendship, your relationship with God, or your potential to have a relationship with Him.

I just wanted to get that off my chest.

22 days and counting

2008-11-19T17:05:00.001-05:00

Please take a jog over to LiveTheJesusRevolution.blogspot.com and keep up to date on my missions journey. I have just posted my last support letter before I takeoff.

Life Update

2008-11-16T15:28:00.002-05:00

I really have nothing profound to say. Just wanted to let you all know that I am still alive.
Ever since the election has been over, I have had much less interesting or offensive things to say, sorry to disappoint, I'll have to work on that.
It does annoy me though that CNN is already talking about what 2012 is going to look like. Give me a break, could we at least have 2 years of rest from this?

The Lions are prolly going to lose today, yesss, the road to 0-16 continues

I was very affected by church last night, and by the following baptismal service. There has been several occasions where, out of 4000 some people, Pastor Jeff seems to be talking right to me. Last night was no exception. I won't go into why I thought he was talking to me specifically, but his main point was Acts 10, God said "do not call something impure that I have made clean".
The baptismal service was great and I was deeply moved by it. My friend Alissa was baptized, which is why I was there in the first place (congrats Alissa). To make a long story short, God did some changes in me throughout the evening.

Patrick and I saw Rob Bell in the foyer/atrium/whatever of the theater last night. Not that it's that weird, since it is his hometown after all. But non-the-less, it is always strange to see someone, whom you have only ever seen on tv or online, in person. I have several friends on both sides of the fence on this guy, and it actually crossed my mind to sit down next to him and just ask him about the things my friends argue about. I am a fan of first-hand knowledge. But, I decided it would be too weird and awkward.

Obama?! well... there goes the world (or, so I've been told)

2008-11-05T17:30:00.001-05:00

The post below this one was also written today, and is about what God is doing with my life, so don't forget to read that one too.

So, I haven't told anyone who I voted for because frankly... It doesn't matter. It doesn't even matter to me who won. I will admit, Obama gave a very inspiring speech last night, if America is what you love. America isn't what I love though, I have to keep reminding myself that. The kingdom I claim to be my authority is not of this world.

I liked the verse that the guy on the radio quoted today in response to Christians freaking out about the results of last night. Psalm 20 says "some trust in chariots, and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God"
have we forgotten who we trust? why are we putting so much faith into our government? when were we ever called to do such things?

I will pray for Obama and his advisers. I think that even a government full of corruption and evil (which applies to the Bush government, the would be McCain government, and the elect Obama government) can do some good, and they certainly need our prayer for that.
But in the midst of this prayer, lets not start thinking that the government can bring redemption. yes, they can bring good things. yes, they can bring less evil things than others... but redemption? Let us never forget that redemption is found through Jesus and shown to the people through the church; NOT the government... the church.

There is a problem, when the church is meant to bring Jesus' redemption to the masses, and instead is itself looking for redemption in the human construct that is the American Government.
Just step back for a moment and ponder... how have we (the church) come that far.

Finding Who I Am In Christ

2008-11-05T16:26:00.002-05:00

Sorry to all my stalkers and friends... and friends that are stalkers too. It has been like a whole week since I have posted anything. Its like I disappeared off the planet for a bit.

well, my life is crazy as usual, but let me let you in on a few things that are fitting into place.
After a year of searching; not knowing what my purpose was; not having a goal; not knowing where God wanted me, I have learned much. I have gained much wisdom.
Let me stop for a moment and say that I may never know my full purpose, I will never learn everything (obviously), and I will always be lacking in wisdom.
I will say though, that I have narrowed down what I think God wants me to do with my life. I am feeling confident that God is calling me into church planting (as I have briefly noted on an earlier post); possibly church planting AND missions (but really though... I don't think there is a difference). I am feeling good about Christian counseling as a career.

That is long term. That is a goal. That is where I am going.

In the meantime, I have been also working on some short term stuff.
I have applied to the online Biblical studies major at Moody, and I'm feeling pretty good about that. Because it is an online program, I can be spontaneous and be where ever God needs me to be.

Speaking of being spontaneous, let me share with you another goal of mine. I hate the feeling of being enslaved by the world. Let me explain. I am enslaved by my cell phone contract, by my apartment contract, by my loan contracts. contracts, contracts, contracts... they prevent me from being as spontaneous as I feel called to be. (example stolen from Mike C., thanks) If there is a major earthquake in China, I want to be able to drop everything and fly to China and help for 6 months or whatever... IF God provides the money to get there. Right now, something like that is impossible because of all of these contracts. My goal is to be contract free. Yes, it is possible in this world... just harder and more expensive... it's the price you pay.

I hope this all helps anyone who was wondering "what is Nate doing with his life?"

Jesus rocks!

"High school nostalgia", and "Why are you passionate?"

2008-10-28T01:24:00.003-04:00

It's that time again... time for: Nate writes a blog because he can't sleep again.

I am going to camp tomorrow! going to camp brings me joy. I am going to be there until Thursday, which is when I have my dentist appointment in Caddy. Then I will be returning for the zombie walk, which will be a good time. Then back to the apartment, where we are having like 10 people spending the night... I guess we'll have to blow up the air mattress... haha

My good friend Tyler Racey posted a blog on xanga, so I read it, and then I remembered that I used to have a xanga. So I read all my old posts (all like 6 of them). That was pretty interesting. Then I remembered I had an old Livejournal account that I used before that. So I read a bunch of those, and I teared up a little. Just looking at all of those friendships that I have drifted away from; it made me kinda sad. I guess that's how life works though, you move on. At least I have a couple HS friendships that I have held on to, I am thankful for that. There was one point right after I graduated where did one of those survey things. This one in particular had you think of 20 people and write down something you wanted to tell them but couldn't/wouldn't... or just how you felt about them... and the catch was you didn't say who you were talking about/to. Sadly, today, I could only identified half of them. That means I don't even remember how I felt about people. Thats how far behind me my highschool mindset is. I don't know how I feel about that. you move on.

My HS marching band is going to state this weekend! GO RP!
They have been owning the competition this year, but the competition has been edging closer every competition, so we shall see. It should prove to be a close competition.

Why I do youth ministry
I was sittin in my interview a few weeks ago and she asked me why I want to work with youth. Lots of people just give the answer: because it's what I feel passionate about. I am sure, in most cases, that it is a true answer. What I have come to find in life is that God doesn't just randomly give you a passion for something (maybe in rare instances... cuz God does whatever he wants), rather, He allows certain things to take place in your life that cause you to have that passion. There is always a reason, but it may take some digging to find it. When asked, why youth ministry? many people say that it's because of an adult in their life, when they were a student, that cared for them and changed them. Interestingly, my story is quite the opposite. I have seen what such a relationship does for a student, but as a student, I didn't really have that experience. Outside of my home (and I say that because I couldn't ask for better parents, I want to make that clear), I never had that guy who would ask me how my walk with the Lord was going, or take me out for coffee and just talk about life. I think that is why I want to be that guy. That is the reason behind my passion. Have you ever thought about why you're passionate about something?

I'm going to try and sleep again.

Stalkers; the church and Tiger Woods church; and God supplies!

2008-10-25T17:44:00.004-04:00

So, I was curious how many people read this thing so I put up a little hit counter -->
Apparently I have quite a few online stalkers. It's okay, don't feel any guilt if you are one, I invite people to read my thoughts. My blog is 2-fold in purpose; I want to let people know what is going on in my life because I am sure there are people that care. Secondly, I have thoughts that run around in my brain and if I don't write them down, I will lose them. These thoughts and ideas are often in their raw form and carry with them the current emotion I am dealing with at the time of the post (that's what makes it a blog, as opposed to a collection of essays). Please take note that because of the emotional aspect to the thoughts, it may be occasionally offensive to certain people. Not specific people mind you, but groups of people (I think you will find the group that most often should be offended by my thoughts is the church as is seen in American culture today).
That's my disclaimer.
If you would like to stay anonymous as a stalker that's cool, but I always am curious who reads these things, so give a shout out if you think of it!

on to today's post: two things

We talked a lot at the family ministries conference today about change and some very interesting things were said. Here is an interesting quote that I like a lot: "the worst enemy of being great is being good" let me explain. When you are good at something you tend to think that there is no reason to change the way you do it; why try to fix something that is good? Because it's not great! Here is an example from the world of sports: Tiger woods was good, he was really good, but he looked ahead and saw that he would not be able to achieve greatness unless he made some risky, revolutionary changes to his game. He decided to redesigned his swing (a decision that has hurt some golfers) and it paid off huge.
Sometimes we continue with status quo with our church programs, but we need to step back and say "this program works, it is good, but is there a revolutionary change we could try that could help us achieve greatness?". That is scary to do, especially for people who don't like change.

second thing
I just figured out my current finances. I worry everyday how I am going to come up with rent/loan-payment/utility-bill money, but at the same time I am so excited to see where God will come up with it! I know that God wants me where I am right now. People criticize me for not having a job or going to school right now, but this is where I am, and it's obvious that God wants me here. I have enough money to last me another week, what more could I ask for at the moment? You know, it's interesting. I asked God to put me in a situation where faith in Him was necessary for existence, well I got it, and I'm not regretting that request. I can't wait for Africa, where I'm confident that God's answer to that request will become even more evident.

Its a mental journey that never ends...

2008-10-23T18:39:00.003-04:00

So I was thinking (which I do too much maybe... thinking that is), how weird it would be to go back 4 years and see what I was thinking then. I know one thing, it would look nothing like what it does now. Here is a list of a few of my thoughts of what my future would look like when I was 4 years younger than I am now:

I will be a veterinarian
I will have a large house with a white picket fence and a guest house out back
I will have a nice car
I will have a wife
I will have lots of kids
I would never work in full time ministry
I would never want to work with inner-city kids
homeless people scare me
I love America
I would never want to live outside of America

Yeah, so if you have been keeping up with my life, you can kinda see how much God has changed my views on life. I was pretty narrow minded in those days, and God has molded me his own way, whether its the way I wanted or not (almost in every sense, it was the opposite direction I was trying to go).

All of my life I have been planning my future. Apparently, all my life God has been steering me away from those plans. Right now, I am at a point in life where I am not comfortable. I am content with being uncomfortable though, but that doesn't mean I like it. I know now that nothing I had dreamed my life to be will become reality.
I was talking to a friend today and sharing my journey. She gave me some inspiring encouragement. She said (summarizing): Nate, whatever God has in store for you, you will grab on to it and do great things. Maybe you will never have a wife and kids, but how much more joy will be brought to your life when hundreds of people come to know Jesus because of what you have done!?

A truth that I must never forget...

This verse has been changing my life and will continue to do so forever:
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5-6

The Joy of Victory Requires Resistance

2008-10-20T10:42:00.003-04:00

Its been a little while since I wrote something.

This weekend was sooo good! It started early, Thursday that is. Mike Carpenter and Casey Butler came to stay over! So the first night we ended up staying up till 4am talking about various things, mostly theological and also telling stories of spiritual warfare.

Side Note:
Lots of people don't believe that angels and demons participate in our everyday lives, but let me tell you this: If there is not serious spiritual warfare going on around you, I am led to question if you are truly following Jesus. If there's not, and you are truly following Him, then you are very blessed. I like to use evident spiritual warfare as a measurement of if I'm doing the right thing. If God is using me to advance His kingdom in huge ways, there will be huge resistance. God moved in HUGE ways this past summer, and let me tell you from personal experience, there was HUGE resistance. I have crazy stories if you ever want to hear them.

Back to the weekend:
It was just great to hang out with those guys. Patrick also stayed here quite a bit over the weekend, and provided much entertainment.
Sat night I went to the Jenison Marching Band Competition and it was sweet. Amy came with me cuz she felt bad that I was going to go alone...haha. We saw Cait there and sat next to her and her shores friends. Reeths-Puffer rocked the house (but what can I say, I'm REALLY biased). I quite enjoyed Jenison's show too, they have some work to do, but I hope they can bring to competition to state finals (what fun is a competition if no one is close to beating you?).

The Future:
My calling in life is becoming clear. Straingly, I think I knew it all along... I just didn't think I did for some reason.
Me and Mike Carpenter are both ticked off at the "church". I should say, what has become known as the "church" in our culture. Coincidentally, our skills and gifts fit together perfectly for Biblical church leadership. It's actually not a coincidence... I don't believe in coincidences. I believe in God's plan.
I know now that someday I will start a Biblical church with Mike Carpenter. For now, I wait patiently, prepare, and pray. I would appreciate your prayers for this. Like I was talking about above, by saying that I believe God is going to do huge things, I am proudly putting a big fat target on my chest. I will embrace my target, because if it wasn't there I must be going the wrong way.

In the meantime, I still lack a job, temporary direction, and a college degree; I would also appreciate your prayers on that.

Its a pretty good day

2008-10-16T15:29:00.002-04:00

So, no deep thoughts right now, just news in Nate's life

Casey Butler is coming today!!! oh yeah... life is good.
Mike Carpenter might come today!! its like a party

I'm hungry

I bought a pinch of stock today. I don't really have any money to spend, but stock is SOO cheap right now, I couldn't resist. I just decided on an amount of money that I would be dissapointed, but not crushed, if I lost; then I bought as many shares as I could for that. It's like an experiment for me, I am very intrigued. So I will watch and wait... prolly for a really long time.

My super awesome shirt finally came today! it is my new favorite shirt.

but other things that I wanted in the mail havent come yet :-(

peace out

Sharing, and Trials? bring it on!

2008-10-15T17:40:00.003-04:00

I am still intrigued by the first church and their policy of sharing. It seems that, to them, following Jesus meant having no "personal" property, but rather sharing everything they had with the other believers. Homes, food, money, everything!
It seems like such a beautiful picture of what we are to look like as the Body of Christ. It says in Acts that no one in their church had ANY needs because they shared everything they had.
My question is, why don't we, the church, still live like that? It seemed to work well for them... maybe we should be taking notes.

Different train of thought:
Mike's blog got me thinking a little. The Bible is clear that trials bring learning among other good things. Have you ever asked God specifically for trials in your life so that you can learn? It goes against human nature in every way. I submit that this very request is something we should ask God for everyday. Lets face it, the trials are coming whether we want them here or not; so asking for them to come will create much more of a learning environment when they do come.

Confession of a Christian: Christians are dumb

2008-10-12T01:30:00.003-04:00

welp, I haven't posted anything today so here we go. I promise it will be short, cuz its late and I'm tired!

It seems everyday I get more and more disturbed by Christians in America. A minister at a McCain rally today gave an invocation and said we should pray for McCain to win because every other major religion is praying for Obama to win. A minister? glad I don't attend that church. How about you don't say anything at all so that you stop making yourself sound dumb.
Again, I have not decided who I am voting for; but how about we stop praying for what WE want and start praying for what GOD wants. When did we start thinking that we got this figured out and we obviously need to inform God on the correct strategy here because He is unaware.
Lets stop proving to the rest of the world that we (Christians) are so wrapped up in ourselves and what we want. It's not about me, its not about you... and it's always about God.

I thought about putting that up on facebook, but I need to start not writing facebook notes when I'm tired... that way, more careful language can be chosen so I don't tick too many people off. not that I'm saying I don't truly believe what I said above even when I'm more awake... there's just a real good possibility I could say it in a more convincing, yet less angry manor. Ok, I'll stop explaining myself, I don't think I really need to here.

Peace out

mmhmm... shots

2008-10-10T11:48:00.004-04:00

well, today I go to get my shots. This should prove to be a good time. All 6 of them :-)

I saw on the news that Obama has bought a half hour primetime tv spot on both NBC and CBS for the end of the month... how weird is that? I'm intrigued... thats a dang long commercial. I'll prolly watch it though, if I'm not doing something better at the time.

So I saw a dang nice car yesterday on the road and it got me on a nice car kick for a bit. In other words... I looked up really nice cars online just to look at them. It wasn't even lusting though, because I was so disgusted that someone would spend that kind of cash on something so... temporary.
So, the fastest, best accelerating, most horse power, most torque... etc is the Bugatti Veyron which costs $1,700,000
it gets 6mpg on the highway
and 2.5 mpg going top speed... which is 253.8mph precisely 1/3 of the speed of sound
at which speed you would use the entire gas tank in 12 minutes. Which is a good thing because you would need a whole new set of tires after 15 minutes.

Sometimes i wish i had that kind of cash... but I can assure you, it wouldn't go towards that lame car. meh... I'd prolly give most of it to camp... haha

speaking of money:
Economists are starting to admit that if the financial situation is not soon corrected we could have another great depression on our hands. I saw that coming for a while... glad they caught up. People still say "we can't have a great depression again because our savings are federally insured". ok... but don't you think that that is putting quite a bit of faith in a faulty government? we are in 10 trillian dollars of debt, do you think the government can afford to come up with that kind of cash if the banks fail? of course, they would have to by law... which means they would just make it in their mints, dropping the worth of the Dollar, increasing inflation dramatically and... wait... causing a great depression. seems like simple enough logic to me.

welp... time for shots! wish me luck!

New Strategy

2008-10-10T03:08:00.002-04:00

I need a new strategy... Whatever I am doing now to try and change my sleeping pattern isn't working. Again, I can't sleep. Any suggestions?

I've never before had this problem... I've always been able to fall asleep whenever I wanted.

I need a reason to get up in the morning. Just telling myself "you need to wake up early so you can change your sleeping pattern" isn't working, and then I am not tired when I should be going to bed.

New song... now its for real :-)

2008-10-09T18:00:00.003-04:00

I have put up the audio for my new song on my Myspace page, I encourage you to check it out. The quality isn't the best... I obviously don't have a recording studio in my apartment :-) but I recorded it so that you would have a little audio to go along with the lyrics i posted yesterday!

and I still need a title... so hook me up with your thoughts!

http://www.myspace.com/natestorvik

The new song should play automatically

Peace out my homies

New Song... need input

2008-10-08T20:30:00.002-04:00

ok... so here is a new Nate Storvik original, but before I play it for people other than my roommate, who has to suffer through the baby stages of new songs, I want your input. should I add anything? etc...

Here is the background story
First verse: you get a story of a guy who is heavily involved in his church, church members look up to him, etc. He has been hiding a certain sin for a long time. its mostly meant to be ambiguous here as to specifics. This leaves it open to an individuals interpretation. it is obvious a serious sin in the churches eyes. when I started writing the song I was modeling it after a guy who had been hiding a homosexual lifestyle.

Second verse: This story is a little less ambiguous as you can tell. perfect church girl, has sex, gets pregnant, doesn't know where to turn because she knows the church would be judgemental. I thought about throwing in a line that hinted about her getting an abortion to hid it from the church's judgemental eyes, but i couldn't seem to get it to fit. So that part is left up to your interpretation as to whether she does or not.

also looking for a title

Here is the song

He was reading his Bible on that old black chair

Looking back on his life, wondering how he got there

To the church he attended, he was a jewel

He was the leader of the whole Sunday school

Since he was in high school he was spending his days

Living two lives, going two different ways

He knew that God would forgive him

But in the eyes of his church, forgiveness was slim

Chorus:

We are a church that needs grace more than anybody

We close the doors to the sinful, but what are we?

We’re meant to be a light, and love everybody

Jesus ate with the sinners, why don’t we?

She was just 16; she grew up in the church

She opened her Bible, but didn’t know where to search

She knew all the answers in that Sunday school chair

Since she was five, she could say the Lord’s prayer

Her perfect boyfriend wasn’t all she had dreamed

One innocent evening was more than it seemed

She was so scared and knew the church would just glare

Her stomach grew larger, people started to stare

sleep and other random thoughts

2008-10-08T04:30:00.004-04:00

So here's my problem... I even took sleeping pills and I can't sleep. ugh.
I am trying to revert back to a 1st shift schedule and its not working...
I think the only option is to simply stay awake until tomorrow night and then sleep.
last night I tried to go to sleep at 2am and laid there for an hour. After falling asleep I proceeded to wake up every hour. although... since I think the only person who actually reads my blog everyday is Kris... that's old news.

A note on dreams. although, almost all of my dreams are completely ridiculous, plotless, and structureless, (and the ones that aren't seem to be prophetic in nature) there seems to be a common feature in almost all of them. Camp seems to make its way into almost every single dream I have somehow or another. I like to think that I am going through withdrawals... although, I am content with the scientific explanation that, since camp makes up the majority of my recent memories, it only makes sense that it would make its nightly appearances in my dreams.

Last nights debate was just annoying. for the limited time that I actually watched it, all I saw was two politicians trying to discredit the other and never talking about what they would do as president. I hate that. I still have made no decision regarding what I will do come election day... and the time is approaching. I have four options that are still on the table at this point:
vote for Obama
vote for McCain
vote for Jesus
don't vote at all and take no responsibility in my government (as no one has yet given me a good Biblical arguement as to why I should)

I am very much in the undecided column

I really want to read Rob Bell's new book. its called "Jesus wants to save Christians" It sounds amazing. I have personal bias' against Rob Bell, but after reviewing them they have only come from other people and not from things that I have personally heard Rob say. I figure I will give his new book a chance, as it looks very good, and then base my opinion of him on that.

I'm working on a new song... nothing final yet... but its been a whole year maybe since I wrote one

just talked to an old friend on facebook at 5am... good times

I am mostly leaving myspace, but while check it occasionally for those lame people without a facebook or gmail chat... or aim
yes... some people are THAT lame... haha

i will stop babeling now

and there's a new poll for yall... or you... if its true that only Kris reads this... ;-)

Back to the old structure

2008-10-06T12:51:00.002-04:00

My day so far:
even though by the end of the week I mildly began to enjoy my job, it took up huge amounts of my time and prevented my from being close to God... so I quit. If God wants me to have a job he will provide one that allows me to grow closer to Him, this was not it.

I had an interview this morning for a job at Wedgwood Christian Services. It went very well, and I think that I articulated myself clearly. However, I'm not sure that I want the job. It starts as just part-time on the weekends. Part-time would be ok for me... i think i would actually prefer that, but working weekends is kind of an issue. It would mean that I would have to miss youth group every other week and I'm not sure I would be willing to do that. I would love to do what the position entails... working with youth is my passion. I just don't think I can work with the schedule they are talking. I will continue with the interviewing process and see where God leads there.

Here is my thought for the day:
Why is it that Christians find the need to label everything with fishes and crosses? is my bracelet with a cross on it somehow more holy than the other one? What is the point of having that fish outline on your car other than giving Christians a bad name due to your horrible driving? Did you know that most "Christian trinkets" are made by persecuted Christian slaves in China?
I submit that the behavior of stamping everything with Christian symbols is a twisted form of gnosticism, where all matter is evil... unless of course we draw a cross on it... in that case it is clean.

Second thought of the day:
Why do we strive to look so good for Sunday morning? Where did that tradition start? I don't think the first Christians were worried about their appearance as they met in house churches. Is "you have to wear your best clothes on Sunday" really Biblical? or is it just an outdated tradition.

Edging God Out

2008-10-05T04:10:00.002-04:00

I have to admit, my life is a blur.
I just don't know what I have become in a matter of weeks.
How did I lose so much ground in such a short amount of time?
Where did it go? The passion, the fire, the fearlessness...

I know where it went.
God wanted me to step out on faith and trust Him.
I found myself in debt and doubt
Somewhere along the way I made an error
I decided that fixing my pocket book was more important than anything else
More important than God?!
Obviously that wasn't the intent
It turned out to be the result.

Running The Race is a difficult road
It is in a sense a war
I thought that I had a secret weapon against Satan
I lost focus
It seams Satan had a secret weapon of his own... maybe a couple

Everyone thinks Satan comes in the form of alcohol, drugs, sex, murder, hate, you know the drill
I'm sure he delights in these things
But they're by no means his secret weapon
I'm sure I haven't figured him out in every way
But I have discovered a few of his invisible tricks... the hard way
Busyness
Independence... ego
Security

My life turned into a list of things to do, but not enough time to do them
I stopped reading the Bible
I stopped praying
I essentially divorced God
And it all happened so fast...

I'm cutting it off
Throwing Satan's brilliant plan out the window
I'm fighting back

EGO: Edging God Out

I would never do this for a living... but for now, ok

2008-10-03T18:23:00.003-04:00

wow... what a lame life I am living at the moment. nothing worth writing has happened since my post last night.
I would rather be homeless than do this for a living all the time. here is the daily schedule: suffer through work, come home, check email, go to bed, wake up, check email, eat, go to work... such is my life. The sad thing is there are people that do this for years and years. no way... Maybe if I enjoyed my work and it was something that I wouldn't mind consuming all of my time. such as working at camp would fall into that category. That is ok... but not a work that i would have to suffer through.

possibly doing a laundry marathon tomorrow, should be a good time.

so there is this machine at work that I helped out at last night. its a paper cutter. it cuts through 1000 sheets of paper like a hot knife through butter. I was impressed.

sorry, I don't have three things today... nothing has happened. tune in tomorrow

Dream

2008-10-03T07:42:00.002-04:00

well, its not the right time of day, so this is not one of my "daily posts"... its just not right if its not 6ish in the evening.

I just wanted to say something.
I had a dream the other night... about 5 days ago, that really stood out to me. I kinda mentioned it in a previous post. Let me start by saying that dreams for me are normally unorganized, chaotic, and have no plot. from time to time I will remember them, but not too often vividly. This dream was different though... and it's been haunting me for 5 days now because of that. I was at something like a train station. The whitley boys were there with me. The whole thing had something to do with camp, but that part isn't clear. anyway, there was a train accident just beyond the station and everyone on the train died instantly. The details of the accident are rather fuzzy too, but everyone was kind of vaporized actually. Neither me or the Whitley boys were on it, we were still at the station... but it seemed that we knew people on it.

Only one other dream within the last 10 years has ever been as clear... that other dream... was a dream that changed my life.

creepy

Judgmental

2008-10-02T18:52:00.003-04:00

So I was driving by a church today that I drive by nearly everyday. I have thought in the past "hey, that seems like a pretty nice church". Today, the sign out front reads "give God what's right not what's left"
Ok, if I was a new Christian and looking for a good church that would be accepting, and I saw that sign, I would be like "wow... ok judgmental church... moving on"
Telling people who to vote for on a church sign, helping the kingdom or hindering it? what are your thoughts?

3 things:

I got my hair cut... mmhmm

There was a house fire in Ottawa county that claimed the lives of 4 people a few days ago. Yesterday, autopsies revealed they were dead before the fire... murder...
I have no addition opinion on this story... i just thought it was intriguing.

For lack of something better... Google maps failed me again today... i went to the wrong side of town.

The Interview

2008-10-01T18:11:00.003-04:00

So working full-time is kinda lame. The apartment is getting sad... especially the kitchen.
This one is going to be short cuz I don't have a lot of time.

I was woken up at 1 in the afternoon today by a phone call from Wedgwood christian services. This is the place that i wanted to get a job at real bad. So i am like 3/4 asleep and they asked me to come in for an interview on monday! Praise God! So please be praying for me on that note, thanks. So then, I could not go back to sleep... since adrenaline had just been shot into my system from that news... lame... but I eventually did.

3 things:

I had to go to a meeting about the future of a company that I don't care about

The Chinese gymnasts were declared "old enough" by the powers that be... that just ticks me off. What is even the point of having an age restriction if a country can just make up documents and lie about people's age. I don't care what their paper's said... those gymnasts were not 16, no way, no how. I would put them at 14 max.

Jesse Cochrane got a facebook! I had to pinch myself.

Cheese is addictive

2008-09-30T18:30:00.002-04:00

For real. I was watching T.V. (ok, i'll admit it, I was watching Ellen) and the doctor they had on was talking about food addictions and unhealthy eating. He said things like cheese have chemicals in them that have similar properties to opium. In other words, you start eating cheese and you begin to crave it. He said the same thing for sugar; no surprize there. He also said that when you stop eating this stuff and begin eating healthy food regularly, you actually begin to crave the healthy food.
I think being lazy is addictive too. The wierd thing is, I find that the more I sit on the couch, the more I want to sit on the couch longer. On the flip side, when I actually start doing stuff, the more I move around and get things done, the more I feel motivated to get more done. When I'm actually getting stuff done, I no longer crave for my time on the couch. I find this interesting.

3 things for today:

so, at work... I put little plastic tabs on peiced of cardboard... for 10 hours... love it

a guy lets his dog swim in the ocean next to his boat or whatever... a huge shark come from underneath and attempts to swallow the small dog whole. The dog's owner jumps into the water and begins punching the huge shark.
Ok, for real? no dog is that important bud... thats worse than spending thousands of dollars on surgery/treatment for a dog. sorry, I love them... but its a dog!

I had a dream the other night that there was a train crash and everyone died... but I wasn't on the train. so I guess if you are planning on riding the train I would hold off on that.

-peace

A new day

2008-09-29T15:15:00.002-04:00

Here is my thought for the day; and I'm not speaking of any one person in particular. We live in a world where friendly debate doesn't exist. ok, maybe its not extinct, but it is endangered. I have the joy of doing this quite often, but I rarely see it happening otherwise. I have people in my life that I can debate on fundamental life issues... big stuff... we have polar views on the topics. When we are tired of debating issues, we can relax, drink coffee together, and enjoy each other's company. Too many people have the mindset that because you dissagree with someone on an issue, you cannot be friends with them. The world's view of who friends are is commonality. I have friends that have nothing in common with me... and I think that is a good way to live.

something I've done, something in the news, and something that happened to me:

I wrote a note on facebook about love and got some interesting responses (since i haven't left my apartment since my last blog, thats all I could come up with)

The stock market crashed 600 points today, wish I had money to buy stock right now. The house couldn't pass the bailout plan... fine with me. I wish they would stop being whiners though. Polosi said something about Bush that offended Republicans, so they voted against the bill because Polosi was for it. Can anyone say "gradeschool mentality"? Get a backbone.

I was hoping I didn't have to work tonight... but they said I did. Dang it.

I'm tired... so here are random thoughts

2008-09-28T21:38:00.003-04:00

well, I apologize for I have missed two days of blogging. I was, for the most part, away from the internet for the weekend. Right now I am tired and don't feel like thinking.

I tried to think of a few thoughts to leave you with... I think I might start a tradition of saying at the end of my blogs something that I did, my opinion on something in the news, and something that happened to me.

I watched Eagle Eye today... great movie

I think its hilarious that there is a hurricane by the name of Kyle that will hit canada... haha... watch out Kiel, your evil twin is coming to get you... obvious being jealous of the way you spell your name.

Sunday school was about politics... I'd like for that to not ever happen again

-Peace

Give to Ceasar what is Ceasar's

2008-09-25T14:43:00.002-04:00

I can't help but be glued to the news in the last couple weeks regarding the economy. I just find it intriguing. I really didn't know much about the economy before, and it seems everyday I realize an additional layer of complication with the current crisis.

That being said... I praise God that I am not called to "worry" about it. Money is something that I have recently chosen not to worry about. After prayer and study, I realized that I can live my life glorifying God (which is my entire purpose) with or without money. God will provide it if it is necessary to his plan for my life.

I used to dream of having it all... I was going to be a wealthy veterinarian, have a huge house, and financial security for my future. God blessed me with the opportunity to live in a very nice house for a semester, and through it all, I realized it was something I didn't need... or even want anymore.

what kind of an adventure is financial security? I have found myself, right now, closer to God than ever before. Why? Because almost every aspect of my life is broken and insecure (I say almost because he is still working on me... there is more brokenness and insecurity to come). As a result, I find myself reaching to God... putting my faith in Him.

and I can feel him reaching for me... for the first time

I started out talking about the wall street problem... so not that it matters, but let me offer my opinion.
Use the 700 Billion on education, health care, and feeding the poor... as for wall street: crash and burn baby! it will correct itself... it always does. In the meantime, those that made poor -or straight up bad- decisions will be weeded out.

Well... this will work for now

2008-09-24T15:01:00.000-04:00

I am working at the printing company again for the next two weeks. Its not horrible, even though it's not very exciting... and it pays the bills. Its also 3rd shift, so if you want to hang out its going to have to be in the afternoon. My life is so weird...

Random thought of the day:
I love Coffee

Structure

2008-09-24T09:18:00.000-04:00

Hey all!

I am going to write down some of my thoughts everyday (or almost everyday) on here. Its all part of my attempt at structuring my life in this transition period. Please feel free to leave comments on my thoughts or whatever.