100% Supported

“I don’t want my life to be explainable without the Holy Spirit. I want people to look at my life and know that I couldn’t be doing this by my own power.”
― Francis Chan, Forgotten God

It is with great joy I am writing this to announce that God has provided me with 100% of my support goal to go to Romania between what has already come in and what has been pledged.  I cannot sufficiently express my gratitude to those who have felt led to give.  If you would still like to pledge support, additional money will go towards ministry expenses, and what is not used for ministry while I’m there will go to the orphanage. Thank you to The Pier Church in Wyoming, MI for launching me past the 100% mark by providing the $2500 for purchasing a car!  If you want to see a man tear up in front of everyone, tell him that you’re buying him a car.

My goal of $1800 per month was, in part, symbolic of the 18 months that I will be spending in Romania.  I am excited about the work God has in store for me while I’m there, and with a full ministry budget I trust that He has a lot of work for me to do.  4 months ago I had not started raising support yet and I placed this huge financial goal in God’s hands.  I fully understood that if I were to meet my goal before summer, it would only be because God did it and not me.  What a blessing to know that God, through the work of the Holy Spirit, reinforced my call to go by fully supplying for the work. I reflect on Hudson Taylor’s words regarding the faithfulness of God’s provision for the work he has called us to do:

“It seemed to me that if there were lack of funds to carry on work, then to that degree, in that special development, or at that time, it could not be the work of God.” 

“God's work, done in God's way, will never lack God's supply.”
― James Hudson Taylor

Some of you know that I have adopted Proverbs 3:5-6 as my life verse, meaning that I meditate on it often and allow it to guide me.  There are so many verses that are close to my heart, many of the rest speak about God’s unfailing love and grace for my wretched self.  I chose Proverbs 3:5-6 because I spent years struggling to find God’s will for my life while not taking these words to heart. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

The more that I learned to trust Him and submit TODAY to God, the clearer my path became.  I spent a long time being frustrated, not knowing what God wanted me to be doing 5 years from now, but I wasn’t asking Him how I could serve Him where He has me today.  I am thankful that he has given me direction for my next phase in life, but I am also thankful that He taught me to focus on today first. 

As I follow God in this next step, please pray that I continue to submit to Him every day and in everything.  Pray that the Holy Spirit would work through me in ways that cannot be attributed to human capabilities.  Pray that He would make straight my path for each day, and ultimately make straight my path for what He has in store for me after 18 months in Romania.

I leave from Toronto on June 27^th and arrive at Casa Dorca in Romania late in the night on June 28^th. 

God bless,

Nate Storvik

Whom Shall I Send?: The Inner Struggle of Saying "Send Me"

"...But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through.”   -Francis Chan

I don't know about you, but I really like being comfortable.  I like having a comfortable couch to come home to, with some good familiar comfort food and a T.V. show that I love.  I like having a group of friends that get all of my inside jokes, a cozy coffee shop to study in, and a day that passes relatively drama free.  I like when my finances aren't dependent on someone else, when I have a cushion in the bank account, and a nice insurance policy that leaves me worry free.  We were designed to enjoy comfort.  But when we give it priority over loving Christ and His mission for us, it leaves us feeling empty and unsatisfied.  Naturally, responding to the call to "Go and make disciples of every nation" (Matt 28:19) will lead us into a lot of uncomfortable situations, but we shouldn't forget his promise after the command: "and I will be with you always, to the very end of the age." 

I've known for several years that God had a different plan for me than a job in the secular field.  Every time I've held a normal job, I get an unshakable feeling that it's not where I'm supposed to be.  Nevertheless, I've put off my calling for all the reasons mentioned above.  After a 2-week visit to Jim Morgan in Romania in 2014 I realized that my call into missions was something I couldn't justify putting off any longer.  I also caught a little glimpse of the truth, that the joy which comes from doing what God has called you to do dwarfs the fears of discomfort.  After voicing my desire to explore the possibilities of entering the mission field, the following 9 months were exceptionally difficult.  I was in a battle against the Devil and my own sinful self.  Through that, God needed to teach me that His love for me was sufficient.  That I didn't need to be dependent on friendships, finances, and hobbies for my joy.  I had to learn to trust that His joy would always be with me regardless of circumstances.

This past summer I interned under Jim Morgan and Drive-in Ministries in Romania for 3 months.  God's provision was incredible as I geared up to leave the country.  I was immensely blessed to be fully supported only 2 months after I began raising support.  Unquestionably, it was the direction God wanted me to go. 

The first few weeks of being in Romania were rough.  The two weeks in 2014 was the honeymoon period, where everything new was fun and exciting.  In 2015 I had a few weeks to get settled before the ministry kicked into full gear and I was mentally struggling to adjust to my surroundings.  It was discouraging and I began to doubt my purpose there.  Once the Cinema on Wheels ministry started up, my heart wasn't in it for a few days.  Then I attended a church service which had a lot of focused prayer time.  It was there that I was able to refocus and restart my heart for the ministry.  I asked the Holy Spirit to fill me until it overflowed into the lives of others.  Effectively submitting that I cannot do any of this by my own power. That was a turning point in my summer.  The Lord began to use me in the evangelistic ministry, giving me the boldness to share the Gospel with groups of people. 

I also had the opportunity to lead several Bible studies with the teens and young adults on our team.  These were very informal times of sharing what we learned from assigned Bible reading, and digging deeper with some prodding questions that I had prepared.  Working on discipleship with the team members was my primary goal for the summer, and it was very rewarding to build deep relationships with a few of the guys specifically.  I had my own apartment in Craiova where two of the guys stayed for much of the summer.  Working with teenagers that are passionate about ministry, giving much of their summer to serve the Lord, is an inspiring experience. 

As the summer marched on, Jim shared with the team that we would be taking the team on two separate 5 day trips several hours away to do the movie ministry in a few villages that we were invited to.  I don't think I knew, until we were on our way there, that we would be staying at an orphanage called Casa Dorca for the first trip.  I have worked with homeless children in Africa, but I really had no idea what to expect at an orphanage.  I remember being nervous about it.  However, that nervousness didn't take long to subside as the kids were there with smiles to greet us and to carry our bags inside.  I literally had the time of my life at Casa Dorca.  These children brought up in me a joy -which ultimately came from the Holy Spirit inside me- that I had not experienced before. 

My secondary goal for the summer was to evaluate God's call on my life.  In other words, I was trying to discern what God wanted me to do vocationally.  Instead, I discerned that it's better if I don't know all the details ahead of time.  The lesson that I learned is to follow God in the next step that He has guided me to, rather than being majorly focused on the long term.  We are a society that values long-term planning, and it is wise to look ahead and plan, but we must be willing to submit those plans to God knowing that He will likely change them.  Right now, I may not have had the life experiences yet that would drive the passion for what God has planned for my distant future, so I have learned to focus more on the present. 

Drive-in Ministries (Cinema on Wheels in Romania) has been a great and life-changing experience for me.  I want to thank the board for giving me this opportunity and the office for all their administrative work.  Mrs. Jones is the hero of the summer, picking up an extra workload in the office.  I believe in this ministry and I'm grateful for the work that Jim is doing in Romania.  I've seen firsthand how it has changed the lives of many people.  Through my experience at Casa Dorca, God lit a passion in me for ministering to the familyless.  I don't know what that means for me precisely.  It could mean working in an orphanage.  It might mean working with refugees.  I'll just follow wherever God leads me.  In the short term I will return to Casa Dorca for a month in December of this year (2015), and I'm also talking with a mission organization about the possibility of refugee relief work within the Syrian refugee crisis.  From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your prayers for me and Jim and the summer ministry in Romania.  Please continue to pray for Jim and his team.  Pray that God would continue to lead passionate young people to join in the work there.  And lastly, please pray that I would have the courage and the boldness to go when God says "go!", no matter the destination. 

Dumnezeu să vă binecuvânteze,

Nate Storvik

God's Will for Your Life is That You Love Him.

Uncertainty.  Change.  Impermanent.  All words that describe my life.  There are aspects of these descriptors that I love and aspects that cause me pain.  The most difficult part is maintaining companionship.  As time passes by, close friends settle down and get married, and I search for new companionship.  Married people don't have much time for single folk, it's just a fact of life.  God bless them and their new families.  Marriage is very good, and I am happy for them.  I'm serious, the only thing more frustrating than what I just described is people feeling sorry for me that I'm 27 and single.  Stop doing it.  This is where God has brought me for reasons He knows because He loves me, and you would dare feel sorry for me? Through this, God has taught me how to have joy in seasons without companionship.   Last night I was watching one of my favorite shows, Pushing Daisies, and one of the characters said "you're no good to someone else unless you're good with being with just you."  That really summed up what I discovered about myself in the last couple months.  I had an unhealthy dependency on my friendships for my joy, and the Lord had to pull me aside and show me that I needed to be okay with just Him and me.  If I am going on the mission field, there will be times where I cannot be dependent on companionship. 

I've spent a lot of time reflecting on what God has brought me through (good and bad), during my 9 years as an adult, in order to prepare me for the work He has for me in the future.  Yet, he hasn't revealed to me what that future work will be, and that brings me to my second point.  We worry and ponder too much about what God would have us do in the future.  Especially young adults.  "What is God's plan for my life? What is His will? What would He have me do?  There must be a grand plan for my life and I don't want to miss it."  I think that more important than any of these concerns is "how can I grow in my love for God today?  How can I serve Christ with my day today?"  I do think that it is important to plan for the future, but we will be blind to His will for us until we've learned to love Him with all of our heart.  When you've learned to serve Christ right where you are (school, workplace, home), and you've made falling in love with Him most important, then His plan will be clear to you.  I'm tired of students waiting to be done with school in order to serve Christ, as if it is a prerequisite.  As if you need a diploma or degree to share the love of Christ.  School is your mission field, even a Christian school.  You will find joy in serving the Lord wherever you are.  

What Happens When our Cultural Values are Different?

Yesterday I wrote a status on Facebook and then I took it down a few minutes later because I realized it sounded like the people I get annoyed by on Facebook.  It sounded like a plea for attention.  Since I didn't feel like elaborating to show that it wasn't, I took it down.  Perhaps a blog post is a better medium to communicate deeper thoughts than a quick status. 

Being isolated has given me plenty of time to ponder why I feel isolated.  That's a process that has not been particularly enjoyable.  Any time you have to peer into yourself for analysis through the lens of scripture, it's not fun.  You end up hearing God say "see this over here, that's pride." "this thing over here, that's selfishness".  The answers I've found so far are pretty complicated and I certainly won't cover it all here.

I'm tired of the status quo.  With the way that our culture works.  Everyone's priorities are so wack.  I went to a seminar at the missions conference about the different things that people value in different cultures.  I realized that this is why I get frustrated and discouraged.  The things that this culture values do not line up with the things I value.  I value lifelong friendships, but this culture has no sense of commitment.  We're so ADD  when it comes to building friendships.  We just get distracted and jump to the next thing in life.  Our life goals, professions, desires, whatever, are more important than friends, and so when the time comes we leave them behind.  And so I've lived this cycle my whole adult life of fully investing in a friendship just to have them move on to higher priorities.  I don't blame you for that, it's the way we were raised, it's our culture.  But every time it gets harder to invest in the next friendship.  

I write all this so that you, brothers and sisters in Christ, can understand me a little better.  When I admit to being lonely, it is not a plea for attention, but nearly the opposite.  It's an admission that I'm scared to cultivate new deep friendships because I fear they won't last.  And that is an issue of selfishness that my prideful self has a difficult time admitting. 

A few of my friendships, though separated geographically now, are still very precious to me and to the other person.  Overcoming the obstacles of physical distance is worth the fight.  I'm glad you guys think so too. You know who you are.  It hurts my heart not having you nearby.  

Here am I. Send Me

This is part 4 in a series of blog posts reflecting on my time in Romania.

Many of you who have heard the way I talk about Romania know that my heart did not return to America.  I fell in love with a country I knew nothing about a year ago.  Longing to be back in Romania made it difficult to find motivation to do anything here in Michigan.  God picked me up out of my sorrow and told me he still had a job for me here in Michigan, which I have regained my excitement for.  Yet he also told me that Romania will, one day, be my home. 

About 4 weeks ago I was speaking with my friend Simeon in a coffee shop.  We were discussing the possibility of me moving to Romania for long-term missions.  I said that the main roadblock is my debt.  I have to be debt free in order to go.  While I was still having this conversation, I got an email from my realtor saying that we had an offer on my house.   The offer was for the amount that I needed to pay off all my debt.  I do not believe in coincidence.  I believe that it was a crystal clear sign from God that this was his will for me.  He knew that I would need such clarity.  The past month has been difficult and discouraging as it starts to sink in that I will be leaving behind those who are very dear to me.  The thought of being on the other side of the world from my best friend and my family has been wearing on me.  He knew that I would need such clarity, or maybe I would be tempted to settle for the comfortable.  He has called me out into the unknown and I am as excited as I am freaked out.  I don't know what the future timeline will be for this.  I am tentatively planning to spend most of the summer next year in Romania and investigate the possibility of moving there long-term.  I would appreciate your prayers as I continue to seek the Lord's will and as I will begin to raise support soon for this.  

"Here am I. Send me!"  -Isaiah 6:8b

Preaching in Romania

This is installment 3 in a series of blog posts that reflect on my time in Romania. 

When we were preparing  to leave for Europe, Jim Morgan told me that they will ask me to preach while I'm over there.  I was a little freaked out by the thought, but also very excited.  Preaching with a translator sounded very intimidating.  It was one of those experiences where half of me didn't want to do it because it was uncomfortable, and half of me knew I shouldn't pass on an opportunity like that.  Part of the goal of a short term missions trip is to throw ourselves from comfort to experience our faith outside of the familiar.  I spoke 4 times and experienced services at 3 different churches.  I loved it. 

In the region we were in, the only two denominations within evangelical Christianity were Baptists and Pentecostals.  Certainly none is better than one when it comes to divisions in the Church, but it was so refreshing to only have one.  There are so many denominations in America that I couldn't even find an accurate estimated number;  it's somewhere in the thousands.  We have the mindset that we cannot get along with other Christians with minor theological differences.  This leaves us with a broken family that is beyond dysfunctional.  Yet, in Romania, there are 2.  I even saw Baptists and Pentecostals working together for Christ.  What a novel idea. 

After I gave my first message we were invited to have lunch with the pastor and his family.  This man was an inspiration to me.  I would like to be more like him.  He is the pastor in 2 villages that are 15 minutes apart, but he has no car, so he hitchhikes between the two.  When we ate together he told me that he was nervous having an American pastor give a message because American pastors water down the Gospel; but he was very pleased with what I said.  From the state of Christianity in America I can see that his critique is accurate, but I'm encouraged that he exempted me from that critique.  

“In Darkness God's Truth Shines Most Clear.”

As promised, this is part 2 in a series of blog posts about my time in Romania and various other places in Europe.

On our way to Romania we visited the Dachau Concentration Camp outside of Munich, Germany.  I'm still processing that experience.  I'll never be able to fully wrap my mind around it.  I've learned about what happened there, and many places like it, my whole life.  In the last decade I've been especially fascinated by WWII.  Yet, standing there, in the very location that at least 100,000 Jews and enemies of the Nazi's died, was different.  They played a half hour movie with real footage from the liberation and stories of atrocity.  There was video and pictures of the stacks of emaciated corpses laying there with their eyes open looking back at you.  I'll never forget those eyes for the rest of my life.  I knew that going there would be difficult.  It affected me in a deep way that will take me much longer to process. 

At the far end of the camp there were several religious memorials representing different religions that had prisoners there.  The most interesting of which was the protestant memorial, which was actually a church.  Not just a church building, but a church body.  The sign said that they meet there every Sunday for worship.  Can you imagine going to church in the very place where one of the worst atrocities of the world took place?  Incredible. 

I brought along the book The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom.  It was my intention to read it before we went to Dachau, but I didn't start it until the day after.  In it she tells the incredible and true story of how she was a Christian in Holland and hid Jews during the war.  Eventually she was imprisoned and sent to a concentration camp.  The pages came to life because I had walked around a camp and could visualize what she described.  Her story is one of forgiveness that could only have come from Christ.  Her and her sister would lead Bible studies and pray for the very people that were torturing them.  If you've never read The Hiding Place, go on Amazon, pay the $4, and read it.  It will affect you. 

“....And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world's healing hinges, but on His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives along with the command, the love itself.” -Corrie Ten Boom

Not coincidentally, I am writing about this on September 11th.  A day in which we remember a different atrocity.  Both of these were born of hate, and both of them left deep scars of hatred in the victims.  The context of this quote from Corrie is difficult.  She is standing in front of the man who tortured her.  Having accepted Christ's forgiveness, he is asking for hers.  No one is too far from Christ's love.  Not a terrorist and not a Nazi.  We must pray for those who persecute us, that they would experience the love of Christ. Only then will we be free of the hatred that binds us.  

“In darkness God's truth shines most clear.” - Corrie Ten Boom

Stay tuned for part 3

Go Out to the Roads and Country Lanes and Compel Them to Come In.

This is the first in a series of blog posts reflecting on my time in Romania.  I've chosen to break it up into smaller nuggets because I don't like reading really long blog posts and I'm guessing you don't either... but there is much to share!

Many of you that know me well know that I was created for adventure.  That I'm far from content living an average life as an American.  When I was young, I had a dream of being rich with a big house, a white picket fence, a bunch of children, in the suburbs of America.  Looking back at that now, it seems more like a nightmare.  It should come as no surprise then, that when I leave the country I have the time of my life.  This summer I got to go to Europe for 3 weeks and spend 2 in Romania.  It was incredible. 

We were there to help Jim Morgan with his ministry Cinema on Wheels, but it was so much more than that.  I was captivated by the culture.  Every little thing about it.  Jim was probably tired of all my questions.  What is this for? Why do they do this? What do they think about this? etc.  The best part of the culture were the Christians.  The Christians that I got to know in Romania were different.  Different than I'm used to here.  I worked with a group of young people that were an inspiration to me.  Teenagers that had taken Jesus' words seriously and answered the call to serve him with their lives.  Not Jesus plus all their other plans... just Jesus.   My initial thought was, wow, Christian teenagers like this actually exist.  That was a refreshing realization.  (I say that as an exaggeration, I know some other Christian teens like this.  One of them came with me).

I love the theme verse for Cinema on Wheels, because it's exactly what we were doing.  Luke 14:23 “Then the master told his servant, ‘Go out to the roads and country lanes and compel them to come in, so that my house will be full.'"  The parable that this is quoted from is very intriguing.  I've spent some time studying it.  Go and read Luke 14:15-24 and then come back here.   God's not interested in your excuses, he wants all of you.  I like Warren Wiersbe's thoughts on it.

People today make the same mistake that the people in the parable made: they delay in responding to the invitation because they settle for second best. There is certainly nothing wrong with owning a farm, examining purchases, or spending an evening with your wife. But if these good things keep you from enjoying the best things, then they become bad things. The excuse-makers were actually successful people in the eyes of their friends, but they were failures in the eyes of Jesus Christ. 1

In Romania, in a very literal sense, we went "out to the roads and country lanes and [compelled] them to come".  And they came.  We would walk down the village road inviting people to come. And they came.  James and I helped with the ministry for 8 nights.  5 of those nights over 100 people came.  Everyone that was there heard the Gospel.  I don't know how many people responded to it, I don't think we need to keep a soul saving tally to boost our own pride.  We simply invited them to the Great Banquet. 

---

^[1] Wiersbe, W. W. (1996). The Bible exposition commentary (Vol. 1, p. 231). Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.

Refocus Reset Reshape

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:5-6

I reflect on this verse a lot.  In fact, it is my life verse, at least until my heart is ready for a new one.  When I wander around my grandfather's house I see it everywhere.  On his desk, on his workbench, on post-it notes.  It is obvious that he meditated on it every day.  I saw him live it out though.  I think that's why it's my favorite verse. 

This spring has been a test of faith.  And by that I mean it has been very stressful.  A house that is sitting empty and not selling; paying to live in a house that's not mine in Muskegon; and plunging deep into debt.   Granted, it's debt that will be gone once the house sells, but in the meantime it makes me very uncomfortable. 

I knew I'd lose everything.  This verse was on my heart when I decided to come to Muskegon.  It's not my own "understanding" or wisdom to leave my friends behind and lose all my money to come to a town I despised when I left it 9 years ago so that I can get paid pennies.  It's not about me though, it's about how God wants me to serve Him.  So he made my path clear.  But I'm not going to romanticize the outcomes of this decision for you.  I'm not going to say that every day is so amazing because I chose to serve God with my life.  It's crazy hard.  Full of discouragement and heartache.  But know that I wholeheartedly believe it's worth it.  When I'm laying on my deathbed someday,  would I have more joy saying I had a big TV and nice shoes, or that I allowed myself to be used by God to make a difference in people's lives? 

Yet, sometimes the discouragements, stresses, and drains of other people, finances, and my own personal failures can easily distract me from my purposes in ministry.  It is distracting from my own walk with the Lord, and when that falters, the ministry quickly follows.  Ministry can so quickly fall into a directionless attempt to just get past the next Sunday or Wednesday.  That is why I'm very excitedly taking a sabbatical for the month of June.  My time will be spent memorizing large portions of scripture, taking long walks with Jesus, and hashing out a new vision for youth ministry for the new school year.  My phone will be shut off for large portions of these weeks.  It's time I make my relationship with God more important than my ministry and my relationships.  

In the end, the things I accomplish, the things I sacrifice, none of that matters more than loving God.  It's actually all just garbage if I don't love God more.  The Bible compares it to used menstrual clothes.  He wants me, just me, infinitely more than he wants my offerings and sacrifices.  So I am going to my "desert" for a while to be with God. 

Iron Sharpens Iron: Where Do I Find More Iron?

My heart is so heavy these days.  People that care about me take notice and ask why I am down.  That's not an easy question to answer.  I squeeze out part of an answer, but a complete explanation evades me.  I've thought a lot about it myself, and I feel like I've come to a few conclusions.  

There are plenty of things in life on the surface that are very easy to blame.  The weather discourages me greatly.  My chronic cough is equally discouraging.  Being behind on my bills is hard.  The ministry is tough.  The list goes on, but I'll cut it off there because my intent is not to complain.  Sure, if none of these things were true my heart would be less heavy; but they are not the true reason.   

I know the answer to what brings joy regardless of circumstances; regardless of the weather, sickness, and financial hardships.  A passionate, zealous, and earnest pursuit of God based on an extravagant love of Christ.  That's what brings complete joy.  I know this to be true from John 15 and, my favorite book, Philippians.  Paul said he has learned the "secret" to being content in every situation.  That word appears nowhere else in scripture; how mysterious. 

I am not satisfied with the deepness of my relationship with God.  In fact, it has been more intimate at times in the past than it is now.  It's not from a lack of desire.  I want more than anything to be as close to God as I possibly can while I'm still in this earthly body.  So I look back to the times when I have felt the closest to my savior and examine them for clues.  The common denominator I found was being surrounded by people who were seeking the same thing.  Iron sharpens iron.  I look to the Bible and I see people working in pairs.  Jesus sends them out in pairs.  Paul had ministry partners.  Edifying each other, building each other up, growing together.  Do you know what happens when you spread apart the logs in a fire?  A log on its own will likely go out. 

A passion for Jesus Christ and his mission will not be sustained on its own.  The reason I have a heavy heart is because no one around me is passionate, I mean really passionate, about following Christ.  No one is willing to follow him with reckless abandon.  No one is willing to lay down their own plans for their life to be where God wants them.  No one is willing to give up everything they have to see God's will done.  No one is willing to love God so much that, in comparison, their family relationships look like hate.  Jesus really said that's how much we need to love Him.

There's got to be someone.  Someone who shares my vision.  Someone who God has in store to partner in ministry with me.  That is my prayer.  Would you join with me in praying that God would send someone to sharpen my faith?  

Seasons

Seasons come and seasons go.  As I look outside and see that my beloved summer is just a memory, I remember that It's also a hope.  The changing of seasons is a constant.  The one that is here now will be gone in 3 months.  That's encouraging to hear now and a depressing thought in June.  Some of you may disagree, and I won't judge you; in fact, I've learned to appreciate winter. 

Change isn't unique to the weather.  I like to use the word "seasons" to refer to different periods of time in my life and the circumstances God has placed me in.  I did "this" for a season, or I was "there" for a season.  The perspective this gives me is both terrifying and hopeful.  If I say that this part of my life is a season of life, then I'm suggesting that my circumstances will change at some point.  Whether life is great or full of tribulation, change is coming.  Change is terrifying and hopeful.  When you lay your life down to follow Jesus, allowing yourself to be led by the spirit, change is sure. 

It seems fitting that the season outside is changing as I ponder the changing season in my life.  A few months ago the Spirit's direction was clear that a move was coming.  I began a grieving process as I said goodbye to a season of life.  It was time to jump in to the ministry in Muskegon with both feet.  That's a nervous prospect.  I've never sold a house before, and I would be moving away from most of my friends.  Could this be a new season of learning to be alone? or a season of new found friendships?  Time will tell, but I know that whatever the season, it's the one God has in store for me. 

8 years ago I left Muskegon excited to never live there again.  In one week I move my things back to the very place I despised,  and I'm excited?  It's true.  God has given me a love for this place.  Oh, how it needs Jesus.  I need Jesus too.  Everyday.  We have a new found commonality, and If that's all we have in common, then that's enough.  

This is my farewell to a city I will always love.  Grand Rapids, it's been real.  

A change in vision: Love God

Hello friends! 

As you may know, I live in downtown Grand Rapids.  Let me start with a recap of that experience.  2 years ago I felt very strongly that the Lord was calling me to move into the heart of the city.  I wanted the house to be a ministry that loved the neighborhood and loved on the neighborhood and spoke the truth of Jesus Christ in the neighborhood.  I decided to purchase a house because it made more sense than renting.  As soon as I walked in the door of my house for the first time I knew that it was the house God had for this.  It just felt right.  We prayed over it and I moved in.  And then... it was tough, it was hard, it was discouraging, it was lonely.  Have you ever been lonely in a group of people?  At times I felt alone in my vision.  People came and went through my house and I was always in good company, but only 1 other person was ever pumped about reaching the neighborhood, and neither of us are gifted at initiating contact with people.   There were pieces of the puzzle that God never provided.  And it was seemingly unfruitful.  And it was discouraging.  

As I sit here and look back on the last 2 years I have begun to see that I was looking for fruit in the wrong place.  That, all the while, God was using the house to help the 9 different people that have lived there, including myself, and many people that walked through the door.   I can't speak for the others, but God used the house to change me, to challenge me, to stretch me, and to teach me not to idolize "ministry".  Ministry is not the goal, loving God with all your heart is the goal; ministry is an outpouring of that love.  He taught me the hard way that idolizing ministry will leave you feeling defeated when it doesn't work the way you had planned.  But when we love God with all our heart, then all our hope is in Christ and Him alone.  If all of our joy is in Christ, then we won't have any less joy when things (even ministry) don't go as planned.  In fact, Romans 5 says that because of this we can rejoice in our sufferings because they produce perseverance. 

Then... God led me to a youth pastor position in Muskegon.  As I got more and more involved in Muskegon I began to really question why God had me move into Grand Rapids in the first place.  It was, as it seemed, a short unfruitful ministry that I was abandoning.  Then He tells me things like "it's okay, trust me. it's not your ministry, it's my ministry.  It's bigger than you. You need to let go."  I don't know what God's going to do through that house, but I know he's going to do great things and I'm not going to be there for it, and I'm okay with that.  I've let go.  I'm in a transition period where I'm praying and seeking the Lord's direction, but I am exploring the possibility of moving to Muskegon.   I spent a couple of weeks actually mourning the decision until I was able to detach myself from my house and my vision for it, in order to realign myself with God's vision.  I think it's really important to be in the same community as the church you're involved in.  There are a lot of pieces that I am trusting God to put into place here, so I greatly covet your prayers.  

Unexpected

As I sat here in this dimly lit coffee shop, drowning out the chatter of students slaving over their textbooks with music from my over-sized phone, I began to zone out into a world of introspection.  How did I get to this place?  Not this coffee shop overrun with hipsters, but this place in life.  (As a side note, I came here recently and someone was actually typing on a typewriter.  This place is the real deal.  If you find yourself in a heated game of hipster bingo, this is your treasure trove.  It’s like a small exclave of Easttown.  Nevertheless, when Tim Horton’s opened up a hop skip and a jump away, The Bitter End’s position at the top of my favorite GR coffee shops list was conquered. For now, Redolencia holds the top spot in the state) I often get lost in thought about God’s plans and how different they've always been from my own.  If you jumped into a time machine and journeyed back in time, stopping at various points to tell me what I’m doing in 2012, I would have laughed at you, or if I believed you I would have been quite grieved.  The further you go back the more concerned I would be.  As a senior in high school I planned to be a veterinarian by now, married with kids.  None of these things are true, but I’m pretty happy about that.  The place that I’m at now wasn't even the plan a month ago.  God blindsided me with a youth pastor position.  Like a T-bone collision of divine planning just weeks after I decided on a starkly different path.  I’ve evolved into a creature that thrives when the creator leads me to the unexpected.  As I sit here in the unexpected, I look back over the fence into the expected, like a second timeline of Nate’s life, and it looks pretty dull.

Solitude

As I look at my blog I realize that it’s been a very long time since I've written anything here.  A lot has changed since then, but I wont take the time and space to catch everyone up, because if you read this blog you probably know what I've been up to.  If not, then just ask. 

As I type this I am sitting in a coffee shop.  One of the things I crave is solitude.  It’s a hard thing to come by living in a house full of people.  I've come to love going to the cheap theater by myself.  I used to see people alone at the movies and I felt bad for them; that was before I tried it and realized how enjoyable it was.  Not long ago I got to spend 24 hours at a cabin by myself.  I read a lot, prayed a lot, and slept a lot, and it was absolutely wonderful.  It allowed me to deal with a lot that I needed to deal with, but it wasn't a one time fix, I need more.  My emotions have been very difficult to deal with in the past couple months.  The cause is a combination of many things including relationships, financial instability, and an unfruitful ministry.  The truth is that I need God desperately, and I feel closer to him when I am by myself.  God has revealed to me part of his plan for my future and I am very excited about that, but it has come out of a season of relentless discouragement.  Even after being given this vision, I am still extremely discouraged and stressed.  I really struggle with things in my mind.  I struggle with inadequacy.  I feel inadequate to do ministry; inadequate to provide for myself financially; inadequate to be a good role model; inadequate to be a good friend.  I know that it’s lies from the pit, but it is so hard not to believe them.  God I need you in my life so desperately.  

When The Going Gets Tough

If your only glimpse into my life has been this blog, then you probably thought I fell off the earth for a few months. Sorry about that. From a blogging perspective my life just hasn't been that interesting. It's been fairly interesting to live it, but it wouldn't be that interesting to read about it. I guess that's mostly because I like to write about good news and exciting things that happen in my life, and those have been few and far between.

I don't know if anyone reads this thing, but it doesn't really matter. I just need to write. I've been so discouraged by countless things in the past few months. I try to seek out the positive and hang on for dear life, but sometimes I start to lose my grip. As a discipline in my life I thank God for the day and for his immeasurable grace in my life every time I pray. Knowing that every day is a blessing and that I don't deserve to live another minute (but still do) helps me get through the day. It seems like I work so hard at something and get nowhere, which makes me question whether what I'm doing is even worth it. I know it's a lie that the devil tells me; but that doesn't make it any less discouraging. I know deep down that the time I have invested in the Lord's kingdom work will not have been in vain. I long for those days when I get to see the truth behind that. In some cases I may never see it, and I must be satisfied with just the faith I made a difference. When I do see it it means the world to me. A couple weeks ago I had a camper (whom I've been praying for these 6 years) reconnect with me and tell me that I impacted his life. It's those moments that bring the most joy. Sometimes I ask myself, would I do it even if I knew those moments weren't coming? Would I continue the work if it was made known to me that I would never know the result of my toil? I hope so. Why? Because the true reward is on the other side. When I see Jesus face-to-face it wont matter a bit if I got to witness my own fruitfulness. Nevertheless, I am in a time of emotional hardship.

Forgotten Promise

I think it’s interesting that we can be where God wants us to be while not becoming who God wants us to be. I also think that the latter is more important. Today I’m in a lowly place. I’ve been zoned out most of the day. I’ve accomplished the tasks of the day, but my mind is somewhere else. As I spent time with Peanut tonight, I wasn’t myself. He even asked me if I had a headache. I didn’t.
Last night God reminded me of a promise I had made to Him. I was abandoning it. I had forgotten. The pleasures of the world had been blinding me and I didn’t know the difference. It should come as no surprise to me that I walked off the path. I took my eyes off the guide. Like Peter drowning in the waves, I took my eyes off my savior and I lost track of where I was and what I was doing. I forfeited my prayer time, Bible reading time, and worship time for house work, job searching, socialization, and sleep. Seemingly harmless things, but what is their purpose without the things I had to give up? What is my purpose without them? I don’t have one. So it should be no surprise that I lost sight of a promise I had made to God. It should be no surprise that my efforts to advance the gospel are frustrating at best. It should be no surprise that I am not the man God wants me to be.

Prayer of Saint Francis and me

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

A House, For Real?

Even just a year ago I pictured myself preparing to enter an overseas mission field right now. It's interesting what happens in the course of a year. It's been a crazy one. I could write about it for hours, but I'd rather tell you about it over coffee. One thing's for sure, a year ago I said I would never own a house. Not because I didn't think I could, but because I didn't want to be tied down to a mortgage. Debt inhibits us from going when God says go. Yet here I am in October of 2011 owning a home and not preparing to go overseas. After a long inner-struggle over what to do, it became quite clear that God was calling me to stay in West Michigan for a while. Then, to make a very long story very short, He blessed me with a mortgage free house.

Unfortunately, this house has consumed my life in the past three weeks. Moving in, and all the little projects that go with it, has been more than a full time job. In the meantime I still don't have a job and I've really lost sight of my priorities. There are three reasons why I'm here. First, God said so. Second, Tyler and Alex are here and I'd like to continue to mentor them. Third, I'm here to minister to my neighbors. I need to straighten out my priorities and get to these things. This probably means that certain projects on the house will take longer than hoped.

He gets all the credit

Tomorrow I look for a place to live in Grand Rapids. I'm moving back to the city for the purpose of ministering to the neighborhood. I am beyond nervous about this prospect, but it is definitely where I am called for this season of my life. I don't worry much about it anymore. I used to worry a lot, but last week it hit a peak and I stopped what I was doing to spend some quality time with Jesus. He promises us peace when we give him our anxieties, and that is what I got. I did a lot of listening and not much talking. This is normally the other way around, but what could I possibly say to my own creator except "Lord help me!". He taught me to trust Him. I've offered myself completely to be used by God, the all powerful, and here I was concerned about being ineffective. This is God's ministry, not mine. He will prepare the way, He will set it up, He will change hearts, He will transform lives; all I need is to be willing to be used. I am not qualified to do this kind of thing. Thankfully, the Lord doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. I know that anything good that comes out of this venture will be because of the Holy Spirit's work and not my own, and that's how He works; To God be all the glory. If I felt qualified to do this, I might take some of the credit for the results. I think that Philippians 4:13 will be one of my theme verses.

I might write that verse on the wall when I move in. I know that the trials will come and it will be very difficult. I need to be reminded that my strength comes from the creator of the universe. If God is for us, who can stand against us?

Blessed

Thursday night I couldn't sleep. That hasn't happened to me in a long time and it was odd. My mind was racing. I just couldn't get over how blessed I am. Not because of my possessions, though God clothes me and feeds me (a blessing not to be overlooked). I am so blessed because of the people in my life. I am blessed because God put them there and I don't deserve it. I have the best parents ever. I have the best friends I could ask for. And I have two guys that I love very much and get to disciple.

These are my thoughts:

God, how is this real?
How could you love me this much?
As the wayward son who has returned to you, I just wish to be your lowly servant.
Just to be your slave and be treated as one.
Even this would be merciful.
I don’t even deserve to be your slave. I am dirt.
I am a terrible person.
But what is this, God?
How could you make me your son after all I’ve been?
How could you love me this much?
I deserve death but you give me joy.
I am a sinner but you choose to use me anyway.
I don’t know what to do but say thank you.
Every time I talk to you I hardly say anything else.