Prayer of Saint Francis and me

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

A House, For Real?

Even just a year ago I pictured myself preparing to enter an overseas mission field right now. It's interesting what happens in the course of a year. It's been a crazy one. I could write about it for hours, but I'd rather tell you about it over coffee. One thing's for sure, a year ago I said I would never own a house. Not because I didn't think I could, but because I didn't want to be tied down to a mortgage. Debt inhibits us from going when God says go. Yet here I am in October of 2011 owning a home and not preparing to go overseas. After a long inner-struggle over what to do, it became quite clear that God was calling me to stay in West Michigan for a while. Then, to make a very long story very short, He blessed me with a mortgage free house.

Unfortunately, this house has consumed my life in the past three weeks. Moving in, and all the little projects that go with it, has been more than a full time job. In the meantime I still don't have a job and I've really lost sight of my priorities. There are three reasons why I'm here. First, God said so. Second, Tyler and Alex are here and I'd like to continue to mentor them. Third, I'm here to minister to my neighbors. I need to straighten out my priorities and get to these things. This probably means that certain projects on the house will take longer than hoped.

He gets all the credit

Tomorrow I look for a place to live in Grand Rapids. I'm moving back to the city for the purpose of ministering to the neighborhood. I am beyond nervous about this prospect, but it is definitely where I am called for this season of my life. I don't worry much about it anymore. I used to worry a lot, but last week it hit a peak and I stopped what I was doing to spend some quality time with Jesus. He promises us peace when we give him our anxieties, and that is what I got. I did a lot of listening and not much talking. This is normally the other way around, but what could I possibly say to my own creator except "Lord help me!". He taught me to trust Him. I've offered myself completely to be used by God, the all powerful, and here I was concerned about being ineffective. This is God's ministry, not mine. He will prepare the way, He will set it up, He will change hearts, He will transform lives; all I need is to be willing to be used. I am not qualified to do this kind of thing. Thankfully, the Lord doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. I know that anything good that comes out of this venture will be because of the Holy Spirit's work and not my own, and that's how He works; To God be all the glory. If I felt qualified to do this, I might take some of the credit for the results. I think that Philippians 4:13 will be one of my theme verses.

I might write that verse on the wall when I move in. I know that the trials will come and it will be very difficult. I need to be reminded that my strength comes from the creator of the universe. If God is for us, who can stand against us?

Blessed

Thursday night I couldn't sleep. That hasn't happened to me in a long time and it was odd. My mind was racing. I just couldn't get over how blessed I am. Not because of my possessions, though God clothes me and feeds me (a blessing not to be overlooked). I am so blessed because of the people in my life. I am blessed because God put them there and I don't deserve it. I have the best parents ever. I have the best friends I could ask for. And I have two guys that I love very much and get to disciple.

These are my thoughts:

God, how is this real?
How could you love me this much?
As the wayward son who has returned to you, I just wish to be your lowly servant.
Just to be your slave and be treated as one.
Even this would be merciful.
I don’t even deserve to be your slave. I am dirt.
I am a terrible person.
But what is this, God?
How could you make me your son after all I’ve been?
How could you love me this much?
I deserve death but you give me joy.
I am a sinner but you choose to use me anyway.
I don’t know what to do but say thank you.
Every time I talk to you I hardly say anything else.

Domino Joy

It's been a whirlwind of a week. I got to spend a few days at camp at the beginning of the week, which was so refreshing. I got to spend quite a bit of time with my closest friends there. Unfortunately there wasn't enough time to spend it with everyone that wanted it, but that's life.

I have written about this so many times, but I have seen so many answered prayers this year. This week is no different. I was feeling quite down on Thursday; mostly missing camp and friends in GR. Then Tyler told me that he led a camper to Christ. There was no better way to brighten my day. Not just my day, but my summer. It gave me unspeakable amounts of joy. It is a longer story than this, but it turned out to be a huge answer to his and my prayers.

It just keeps going though, because of this story and my lifted spirits, I've been able to encourage many people since Thursday night. It's kind of a domino effect. I hope it keeps going. Would you pray that it keeps going? If there is one thing that God is teaching me this year, it's that He answers prayer.

Disciple

I posted a Facebook status about this yesterday, but I wanted to get into this a little more. I've been discipling 2 guys for a year or more now and I've realized something important. I am forced to grow exceedingly when I am in this position. When I am a leader and a teacher I am held to a higher standard than otherwise. When otherwise it seemed so easy to plateau and coast through life, I now find myself with no where to go but to grow spiritually. It's really cool.
This isn't why I started this journey of discipling, but a much welcomed side-effect. I started because I care a lot about these guys and I wanted to help them grow closer to the Lord. Yet, what kind of a leader would I be if I wasn't doing what I was teaching? Talk about motivation.

If you are not making disciples and being a spiritual leader in someone's life, you are seriously robbing yourself of massive growth. If you want to get serious about becoming more Christ-like and serious about improving your relationship with God, then you need to mentor someone. Don't wait until you have time, because it will never happen.

Tyler and Alex, if you're reading this, you mean so much to me. I love you guys.

Community: Die to Yourself

Right now I'm reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. I'm almost through it, and I could have been finished with it a week ago if I didn't spend so much time playing Minecraft. I am enjoying the relaxation though.
Anyway, I highly recommend this book so far.

I just finished a chapter where he talks about living in a house with 5 other guys. I can relate. He talked about the struggles of sharing space and sharing lives. I can relate.
I love this though; this is how he ended the chapter. It was a dialogue between him and someone he had observed. "I asked him how he kept such a good attitude all of the time with so many people abusing his kindness. Bill set down his coffee and looked me in the eye. 'Don,' he said. 'If we are not willing to wake up in the morning and die to ourselves, perhaps we should ask ourselves whether or not we are really following Jesus.'"

I'm not suggesting that my friends at the Man Sanctum abused any kindness I might have shown. What I am suggesting is that this is the only way that Christian community works. We have to die to ourselves daily; part of which means realizing that the world is not a play staring me. No legitimate Christian community takes place without this; and if you read the New Testament, you see that Christian community is vitally important in our lives.

Sometimes that means doing the dishes all the time because no one else does, even if I didn't make any of them dirty. But I'm not tooting my own horn here; this comes with the realization that I neglect other things and fall short of people's expectations in other ways. I have a habit of leaving my junk around the house; the list could go on for a while. The key to community is grace. A grace that only comes from the ultimate grace that Christ has shown us.

If you don't die to yourself - in other words, kill your pride - then you have to ask yourself if you're really following Christ. "He humbled Himself and became obedient to death, even death on a Cross."