Forgotten Promise

I think it’s interesting that we can be where God wants us to be while not becoming who God wants us to be. I also think that the latter is more important. Today I’m in a lowly place. I’ve been zoned out most of the day. I’ve accomplished the tasks of the day, but my mind is somewhere else. As I spent time with Peanut tonight, I wasn’t myself. He even asked me if I had a headache. I didn’t.
Last night God reminded me of a promise I had made to Him. I was abandoning it. I had forgotten. The pleasures of the world had been blinding me and I didn’t know the difference. It should come as no surprise to me that I walked off the path. I took my eyes off the guide. Like Peter drowning in the waves, I took my eyes off my savior and I lost track of where I was and what I was doing. I forfeited my prayer time, Bible reading time, and worship time for house work, job searching, socialization, and sleep. Seemingly harmless things, but what is their purpose without the things I had to give up? What is my purpose without them? I don’t have one. So it should be no surprise that I lost sight of a promise I had made to God. It should be no surprise that my efforts to advance the gospel are frustrating at best. It should be no surprise that I am not the man God wants me to be.

Prayer of Saint Francis and me

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

A House, For Real?

Even just a year ago I pictured myself preparing to enter an overseas mission field right now. It's interesting what happens in the course of a year. It's been a crazy one. I could write about it for hours, but I'd rather tell you about it over coffee. One thing's for sure, a year ago I said I would never own a house. Not because I didn't think I could, but because I didn't want to be tied down to a mortgage. Debt inhibits us from going when God says go. Yet here I am in October of 2011 owning a home and not preparing to go overseas. After a long inner-struggle over what to do, it became quite clear that God was calling me to stay in West Michigan for a while. Then, to make a very long story very short, He blessed me with a mortgage free house.

Unfortunately, this house has consumed my life in the past three weeks. Moving in, and all the little projects that go with it, has been more than a full time job. In the meantime I still don't have a job and I've really lost sight of my priorities. There are three reasons why I'm here. First, God said so. Second, Tyler and Alex are here and I'd like to continue to mentor them. Third, I'm here to minister to my neighbors. I need to straighten out my priorities and get to these things. This probably means that certain projects on the house will take longer than hoped.

He gets all the credit

Tomorrow I look for a place to live in Grand Rapids. I'm moving back to the city for the purpose of ministering to the neighborhood. I am beyond nervous about this prospect, but it is definitely where I am called for this season of my life. I don't worry much about it anymore. I used to worry a lot, but last week it hit a peak and I stopped what I was doing to spend some quality time with Jesus. He promises us peace when we give him our anxieties, and that is what I got. I did a lot of listening and not much talking. This is normally the other way around, but what could I possibly say to my own creator except "Lord help me!". He taught me to trust Him. I've offered myself completely to be used by God, the all powerful, and here I was concerned about being ineffective. This is God's ministry, not mine. He will prepare the way, He will set it up, He will change hearts, He will transform lives; all I need is to be willing to be used. I am not qualified to do this kind of thing. Thankfully, the Lord doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. I know that anything good that comes out of this venture will be because of the Holy Spirit's work and not my own, and that's how He works; To God be all the glory. If I felt qualified to do this, I might take some of the credit for the results. I think that Philippians 4:13 will be one of my theme verses.

I might write that verse on the wall when I move in. I know that the trials will come and it will be very difficult. I need to be reminded that my strength comes from the creator of the universe. If God is for us, who can stand against us?

Blessed

Thursday night I couldn't sleep. That hasn't happened to me in a long time and it was odd. My mind was racing. I just couldn't get over how blessed I am. Not because of my possessions, though God clothes me and feeds me (a blessing not to be overlooked). I am so blessed because of the people in my life. I am blessed because God put them there and I don't deserve it. I have the best parents ever. I have the best friends I could ask for. And I have two guys that I love very much and get to disciple.

These are my thoughts:

God, how is this real?
How could you love me this much?
As the wayward son who has returned to you, I just wish to be your lowly servant.
Just to be your slave and be treated as one.
Even this would be merciful.
I don’t even deserve to be your slave. I am dirt.
I am a terrible person.
But what is this, God?
How could you make me your son after all I’ve been?
How could you love me this much?
I deserve death but you give me joy.
I am a sinner but you choose to use me anyway.
I don’t know what to do but say thank you.
Every time I talk to you I hardly say anything else.

Domino Joy

It's been a whirlwind of a week. I got to spend a few days at camp at the beginning of the week, which was so refreshing. I got to spend quite a bit of time with my closest friends there. Unfortunately there wasn't enough time to spend it with everyone that wanted it, but that's life.

I have written about this so many times, but I have seen so many answered prayers this year. This week is no different. I was feeling quite down on Thursday; mostly missing camp and friends in GR. Then Tyler told me that he led a camper to Christ. There was no better way to brighten my day. Not just my day, but my summer. It gave me unspeakable amounts of joy. It is a longer story than this, but it turned out to be a huge answer to his and my prayers.

It just keeps going though, because of this story and my lifted spirits, I've been able to encourage many people since Thursday night. It's kind of a domino effect. I hope it keeps going. Would you pray that it keeps going? If there is one thing that God is teaching me this year, it's that He answers prayer.

Disciple

I posted a Facebook status about this yesterday, but I wanted to get into this a little more. I've been discipling 2 guys for a year or more now and I've realized something important. I am forced to grow exceedingly when I am in this position. When I am a leader and a teacher I am held to a higher standard than otherwise. When otherwise it seemed so easy to plateau and coast through life, I now find myself with no where to go but to grow spiritually. It's really cool.
This isn't why I started this journey of discipling, but a much welcomed side-effect. I started because I care a lot about these guys and I wanted to help them grow closer to the Lord. Yet, what kind of a leader would I be if I wasn't doing what I was teaching? Talk about motivation.

If you are not making disciples and being a spiritual leader in someone's life, you are seriously robbing yourself of massive growth. If you want to get serious about becoming more Christ-like and serious about improving your relationship with God, then you need to mentor someone. Don't wait until you have time, because it will never happen.

Tyler and Alex, if you're reading this, you mean so much to me. I love you guys.

Community: Die to Yourself

Right now I'm reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. I'm almost through it, and I could have been finished with it a week ago if I didn't spend so much time playing Minecraft. I am enjoying the relaxation though.
Anyway, I highly recommend this book so far.

I just finished a chapter where he talks about living in a house with 5 other guys. I can relate. He talked about the struggles of sharing space and sharing lives. I can relate.
I love this though; this is how he ended the chapter. It was a dialogue between him and someone he had observed. "I asked him how he kept such a good attitude all of the time with so many people abusing his kindness. Bill set down his coffee and looked me in the eye. 'Don,' he said. 'If we are not willing to wake up in the morning and die to ourselves, perhaps we should ask ourselves whether or not we are really following Jesus.'"

I'm not suggesting that my friends at the Man Sanctum abused any kindness I might have shown. What I am suggesting is that this is the only way that Christian community works. We have to die to ourselves daily; part of which means realizing that the world is not a play staring me. No legitimate Christian community takes place without this; and if you read the New Testament, you see that Christian community is vitally important in our lives.

Sometimes that means doing the dishes all the time because no one else does, even if I didn't make any of them dirty. But I'm not tooting my own horn here; this comes with the realization that I neglect other things and fall short of people's expectations in other ways. I have a habit of leaving my junk around the house; the list could go on for a while. The key to community is grace. A grace that only comes from the ultimate grace that Christ has shown us.

If you don't die to yourself - in other words, kill your pride - then you have to ask yourself if you're really following Christ. "He humbled Himself and became obedient to death, even death on a Cross."

An Internship Away

This has always been my blog for contemplating and sharing my personal life, thoughts, and questions, and it will continue to be that; thanks for being here with me. I have a separate blog now for times when I want to write about my thoughts on a scriptural passage or other studies like that. If you are interested, you can find it here:
http://cecilandmeridith.blogspot.com/
The first 6 posts were an assignment on Genesis 3:1-7. Nevertheless, they should be interesting.


So here I am. The only thing left for college is an internship and one 3 credit course that I will take at the same time. I guess I'm all grown up now. It feels a little strange. I'm a little anxious because I don't know what I'm going to do with my life yet, but I have a new peace about that. I am more relaxed now than I can ever remember. There's nothing hanging over my head. It's wonderful.

I feel very blessed right now.

A Different Approach

I would like to make an amendment to my previous post. I'm not disagreeing with anything I said then; I would just like to add to it.

I've spent a considerable amount of time seeking the Lord's will for my life; earnestly seeking what He would have me do, where He would have me go, and how He would have me do it.

I'm changing my approach. I don't care about these things. I desire to know God more. That's all that matters to me. God, reveal yourself more to me everyday.

It seems so obvious now. As I grow in my relationship with Christ, His will for my life will become clear. In the meantime, as a wise friend told me, "just keep doing the last thing God told you to do until you're sure that he's told you to do something else."
I can do that. So much stress just left my life.

-Nate

Decisions

It's late, but that's when my brain tends to think deeper.

I had been fasting and praying, which concluded at the prayer gathering at the Deltaplex Saturday night. The purpose was two-fold. The secondary purpose was to seek the Lord's will in my up-coming major life decisions. I had a small list of options of what I could do after my internship is over this summer. The small list rapidly became a long list.

I was earnestly asking the Lord to make it clear which option would be best. Because I honestly want His will for my life. In other words, I was hoping He would narrow it down to one somehow.

The Lord taught me something in those days. I think that God delights in letting us decide. If the option will bring glory to God, our motives are pure, and the door is open, then it's within God's will. I think we tend to make these decisions harder than they need to be. I simply need to examine my motives in each option to make sure they are pure, and then pursue the option I want most. If God does not want me there, I trust that he will close the door.

Full time ministry, ready or not, here I come.

Priorities... keeping them straight.

A long time ago, at the beginning of the fall semester, I listed my priorities. I set up a basic order of priorities in my life that, when push came to shove, would decide what would ultimately demand my time. I knew, going into a school year of 40 credits, that I would encounter days where I would not be able to do everything I wanted to do.
Interestingly, school work found itself at #3 on the list. So far, by God's grace, I had managed to accomplish the first 2 and still have enough time to finish all my school work. This week it didn't happen. Priorities 1 and 2 left school work in the dust. I still got some of it done, just not all of it.
I'm at peace with how this went down. I am proud that I kept my priorities as I had wanted them. I had a great weekend with Tyler and Alex. God continues to bless my socks off.

Keep running the race.

Amendments and Prayers

I must amend my previous post with a few clarifications. I still stand by what I said, but I can understand how things can be taken wrongly.

- If you were unsure that I was speaking about you, then I wasn't. I can say this because those whom I referred to have been spoken to regarding this.
- If you think I'm being hypocritical, it's because I am a hypocrite. So it is perfectly understandable that you would come to this conclusion.
- Am I a cynic regarding cynical people? Unfortunately yes, from time to time. But it is a cycle I am trying to break myself from.
- When I say that I am avoiding these people, it is not meant to be taken that I am giving up on them or our relationship. I love my brothers and sisters in Christ. I pray for them. Rather, I would liken this to a pastor who needs a sabbatical. He is not giving up on his people. He simply needs a break from them to regroup, re-energize, and return. In my struggle to become less cynical I must temporarily distance myself from people who negatively influence me in this area. However, the emphasis is on temporary.
Thanks for bearing with me on this.

..................................................

If you haven't noticed, I am right in the middle of the craziest, most chaotic part of my life thus far. I am half-way through my final traditional semester, followed by an early summer internship. The workload is tremendous. I live from week to week for deadlines. There is just no other option. If I had a major project due in 2 weeks, I wouldn't even begin to think about it for at least another week.
I say this all to say that God has used this season of my life to bring about massive change in me. He is still working on me, and I've got a long way to go, but when I look back at who I was, I don't even recognize myself. For this I am incredibly thankful.

I covet your prayers for my near future. I am hardly concerned about where I'll be 5 years from now, because it is difficult to see past the giant standing in front of me; that is, the next 4 months. I am not praying for a smooth ride or for less chaos. Rather, I am praying that God continues to use the chaos in front of me for His glory and His sanctifying work in my life.
As chaotic as these months are, I will soon need to make important decisions regarding my future. So please also pray that I will have a clear mind, amid the chaos, to make Spirit led decisions that will effect the course of my life. His will is greater than my will; His wisdom is greater than my wisdom.

Grace and Peace

Worn out by Christians

I'm worn out. I'm not talking about physically, though I am tired. I'm not talking about school work, though it is a burden. I'm talking about negativity. I wrote about this before, but this time there is change.
I've identified the issue that has the most effect on my attitude. The cynicism around me. Sometimes I feel on top of the world, filled with the Spirit, motivated to press on for Jesus and love everyone I come in contact with. Then the cynic walks into the room and sucks it dry. Quenches the fire. Removes the hope.
It has a noticeable direct effect on my attitude. I hate it.
It doesn't bother me when an unregenerate is cynical; could I expect anything more? I love countering their cynicism with my joy that is in Christ.
It drains me when the Christians around me are cynical. They are my brothers in Christ! Where is the edification? Where is the joy? Where is the peace? Where is the hope? Where is the love?
I have made the choice to avoid cynical Christians as best I can. They are hindering me from being everything I can be in Christ. They are quenching the Spirit. I will tell them that this is why they see less of me. If God grabs ahold of their heart, then I will come back and be graced by their company once again.

-Nate

Paralyzed

Sometimes we read stories of the Israelites in the Old Testament and pass judgment on them. God would show them his faithfulness and they would quickly forget it. Take, for instance, the story of their grumbling and complaining in the desert. Did you forget already that I led you out of captivity, that I parted the sea? Reading this story with the benefit of hindsight makes us look down on the Israelites, but aren’t we the same?
How quickly I forget the Lord’s faithfulness.

Thursday night I came to the Lord in prayer. I laid my worries, cares, and anxieties down at his feet. I poured it all out; it took and hour and a half. As a result, I was filled with the peace of God that transcends all understanding.
How quickly I forget, like an Israelite. Yesterday and today, I have been consumed with worry and anxiety. It’s almost paralyzing. I haven’t been able to get my work done because of it.
“We say, Israel, how could you forget after only 30 days? Come on!”
30 days? I forgot after 1 day.

Then the Lord reminded me. Gently.
“The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:5b-7

This is one of God’s most beautiful promises. Why can’t I remember it everyday?

Brace Yourself Like a Man

I am glad that my relationship with God is beyond emotions, because my emotions are not always solid ground, but my hope in God is.

Emotionally, I am so frustrated with God I could scream. We had a little argument in the van today. He is testing me. Don't get me wrong. Life is great. I'm not mad at God for putting me through a trial. He just continues to allow opportunities that are good. I am so tempted by good. I don't want to do a good thing, I want to do the best thing. My flesh wants the "good". I wish the option wasn't even there. It was better when it wasn't.
Thanks for letting me vent.


I'm not trying to fool myself into thinking that I know better than God. When I argue with God out loud, it only makes me realize how ridiculous my claims are. It is not bad to approach the throne in prayer with frustration and anger. But woe to me if I do not leave completely humiliated and broken. I sound ridiculous when I come to God in frustration. In this humiliation I find healing. In this humiliation God, not so subtly, reminds me that He is God and I am not.
When Job comes to God in frustration he is, not so subtly, reminded that God is God and he is not. "Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me." (Job 38:3) This is Nate's translation: prepare yourself, because God's answer is going to feel like a kick to the groin.

"Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?" (v4)
haha... yeah. Good point.

"What is the way to the abode of light? And where does darkness reside? Can you take them to their places? Do you know the paths to their dwellings? Surely you know, for you were already born! You have lived so many years!" (v19-21)
ouch...

"Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons or lead out the bear with its cubs?" (v32)

That Guy

To all those wondering, I survived the blizzard of 2011. Nonetheless it was very exciting.
I normally post in here on Tuesdays, but this week got a little crazy.


I’m really jazzed about what God is doing in West Michigan. Revival. It’s happening. Are you coming?
When I talk about revival I’m not talking about some crusade where an evangelist travels the country and everyone sings Kum-ba-ya. Traveling evangelists have their purpose, I’m not here to discredit them, but that’s just not what I’m talking about.
People are realizing that Jesus is the Lord and Savior. This is a revival that takes place in a community, not a stadium or auditorium. This is neighbors praying for neighbors, classmates praying for classmates, churches praying for churches. We are trying to wake the dead here, and that only happens by the power of prayer folks.
We started praying for places like Calvin and Grand Valley and the Lord is moving. There is a group of students that have come together at Calvin that are praying in revival. A group of Muslims at Grand Valley just accepted Christ as their Savior. Do you see what’s happening here? Don’t miss it.
Two nights ago I specifically prayed for one person for 20 minutes. I prayed that God would break her heart. I’ve never even met her, but she is important to me. She’s a friend of a friend. During my prayer it happened. God broke her heart and my friend led her to Christ! That very night.
Prayer. Revival. Can you feel it? God is good.


This is something else that I’ve been thinking about. I think there are a lot of times that we don’t want to be “that guy”. Who is that guy? He’s the guy that talks about Jesus and the Bible all the time, and every time you talk about something he relates it back to scripture. Doesn’t that guy just get on your nerves?
Well I’ve decided to strive to be that guy. If it’s annoying or uncomfortable, then it’s because we love the darkness and fear the light (John 3:20). I think Paul was “that guy”. “For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.” -1 Corinthians 2:2

How Did I Get Here?

It’s a bit bizarre when I look back at my life and think “how did I get here?” What I’m talking about is God’s grand orchestration. Sunday morning I am sitting in a church thinking this is, without a doubt, the church that I am supposed to be a part of. I’ve had a vision of a church plant for 3 years, and this is exactly the church I envisioned, every detail. So as I sit there and ponder this odd circumstance, someone asks me how I ended up their. I began to wonder, how did I get here? I found the answer, but it’s a long story, and God showed up every step of the way. I’m going to give you the abridged version of the story, and you can ask me sometime about the long version.
2 years ago I helped serve a meal, called the Love Feast, at a downtown ministry. I heard about a ministry called the Stockbridge Boiler Room and its sister ministry the Bridge Street House of Prayer. Soon after that meal I moved back to Ludington.
In December I went to the bookstore and came back with a book I had never heard of. It was an author I had never heard of. But I saw it on the shelf and the Holy Spirit nudged me to pick it up.
It changed my life. Rather, God used it to change my life and to see the power of prayer, surrender, and revival. I needed a place where I could pray. So I prayed for a place to pray. The Holy Spirit led me back to the Bridge Street House of Prayer. So I went on a Saturday, then I went on a Tuesday, then I went on Sunday. I didn’t have a trace of a clue what to expect when I first went that Saturday, and I brought along a whole van full of people. All I knew was that the Holy Spirit was leading me to go, so I went.
What I found were people who believed in the power of prayer. People that have a passion for seeing revival in themselves and in the community of Grand Rapids. A diverse group of people from young to old, outcasts and people that love them, and people that love coffee!
So how did I get here? Only by the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

If you think that’s a long story, it’s actually more complex than that.

Fools Gold

As I continue in the book of Luke I am reminded of some fascinating parables. I think that sometimes we either brush off a parable saying it doesn’t apply to us, or we pretend like we don’t understand its meaning. Today I encounter one that, from the looks of our culture, has been pushed aside. I’m not just accusing everyone else, I fit into that category as well. Check it out:

The Parable of the Rich Fool
13 Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.” 14 But he said to him, “Man, who made me a judge or arbitrator over you?” 15 And he said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” 16 And he told them a parable, saying, “The land of a rich man produced plentifully, 17 and he thought to himself, ‘What shall I do, for I have nowhere to store my crops?’ 18 And he said, ‘I will do this: I will tear down my barns and build larger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. 19 And I will say to my soul, Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years; relax, eat, drink, be merry.’ 20 But God said to him, ‘Fool! This night your soul is required of you, and the things you have prepared, whose will they be?’ 21 So is the one who lays up treasure for himself and is not rich toward God.”
(Luke 12:13-21)

Later in the same chapter (v34) He says “for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” We are deeply interested in something that we have invested in. If we put our money into stock for a company, all of the sudden we become strangely interested in everything that the company does. Why? Because that’s where we put our treasure. If we invest our money, time, and other resources into the Kingdom of God, rather than storing them up, we will care deeply about the work of the Kingdom. (Idea stolen from “The Treasure Principle” by Randy Alcorn).
Quickly we begin to reason, “If I give all of my money to God, how then will I survive?” Our first problem would be saying “my money”, because everything belongs to God to begin with. We would just be giving it back to him.
Interestingly, the very next passage (more like a continuation of the same passage) is given the title “Do Not Worry”:

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. 23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. 24 Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds!
(Luke 12:22-24)

Oh, we have so little faith. Why don’t we take Him at his word? Would you do it? Could you do it? Can something be so simple and so difficult at the same time?
Why do I have an entire drawer full of socks? Why do I own somewhere around 50 T-shirts? Why do I have more than one pair of shoes? Because I’m human and I’m attached to my possessions. Sometimes I’m emotionally attached, sometimes I just think I “need” it. God, please help me to see everything as yours.

"’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus says the Lord!”

Can Ya Feel It?

I feel like I need to write this down.
God is on the move and I can feel it. There is a fire that is beginning to consume me. Oh what joy! God is setting the stage for revival. This generation is on the verge of something not seen in over a hundred years. Can you feel it?
I've been reading a book about revival, it's changing how I see things. I go to church in Muskegon last week and the pastor is speaking about the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit filling us and bringing revival. I went to the worship gathering at the Bridge Street House of Prayer last night and not only did I listen to the speaker talk about revival, I saw revival.
Revival in ourselves starts with recognizing the sovereignty of Jesus Christ. We must realize that Jesus is on the throne. He is King! We must worship the creator simply because he is almighty. I'm not talking about sitting in your recliner and saying "yup, God's still King." I'm talking about falling prostrate on the ground in worship of the King.
Revival in our community starts with prayer. Let me restate that. Corporate revival starts on the floor. We have to want it. It will mean sacrifice. Discomfort. It will mean that life will not be what it was before. Church will not be what it was before. Change.
Do you want it? Can you feel God moving? Do you see a generation rising up? I do, and I'm not going to miss it.
God, use me as an instrument of your will.

When I began writing this post, I was just going to talk about the House of Prayer. Apparently God had other plans for my train of thought.

Sense

I’ve been thinking, and I have to be honest. I’m tired of hearing the phrase “what makes the most sense?” when it comes to making decisions. It’s been all around me for a couple months, mostly dealing with my great aunt’s estate, but for other things as well. It seems like it’s catching on. It’s like the phrase of the month around me.

Forget what makes the most sense.
Since when does God’s will always make sense to us? It so often doesn’t. Did it make sense to Peter when Jesus told him to step out of the boat? Did it make sense when Jesus washed the disciple’s feet? Nothing makes sense from a human perspective. We need a God perspective. I will do things, and have done things, that don’t make any sense to the people around me. Why? Because I felt led to do it. Will we live by what makes sense? Or will we live by the Holy Spirit?