If your only glimpse into my life has been this blog, then you probably thought I fell off the earth for a few months. Sorry about that. From a blogging perspective my life just hasn't been that interesting. It's been fairly interesting to live it, but it wouldn't be that interesting to read about it. I guess that's mostly because I like to write about good news and exciting things that happen in my life, and those have been few and far between.
I don't know if anyone reads this thing, but it doesn't really matter. I just need to write. I've been so discouraged by countless things in the past few months. I try to seek out the positive and hang on for dear life, but sometimes I start to lose my grip. As a discipline in my life I thank God for the day and for his immeasurable grace in my life every time I pray. Knowing that every day is a blessing and that I don't deserve to live another minute (but still do) helps me get through the day. It seems like I work so hard at something and get nowhere, which makes me question whether what I'm doing is even worth it. I know it's a lie that the devil tells me; but that doesn't make it any less discouraging. I know deep down that the time I have invested in the Lord's kingdom work will not have been in vain. I long for those days when I get to see the truth behind that. In some cases I may never see it, and I must be satisfied with just the faith I made a difference. When I do see it it means the world to me. A couple weeks ago I had a camper (whom I've been praying for these 6 years) reconnect with me and tell me that I impacted his life. It's those moments that bring the most joy. Sometimes I ask myself, would I do it even if I knew those moments weren't coming? Would I continue the work if it was made known to me that I would never know the result of my toil? I hope so. Why? Because the true reward is on the other side. When I see Jesus face-to-face it wont matter a bit if I got to witness my own fruitfulness. Nevertheless, I am in a time of emotional hardship.
