As I look at my blog I realize that it’s been a very long
time since I've written anything here. A
lot has changed since then, but I wont take the time and space to catch
everyone up, because if you read this blog you probably know what I've been up
to. If not, then just ask.
As I type this I am sitting in a coffee shop. One of the things I crave is solitude. It’s a hard thing to come by living in a
house full of people. I've come to love
going to the cheap theater by myself. I
used to see people alone at the movies and I felt bad for them; that was before
I tried it and realized how enjoyable it was.
Not long ago I got to spend 24 hours at a cabin by myself. I read a lot, prayed a lot, and slept a lot,
and it was absolutely wonderful. It
allowed me to deal with a lot that I needed to deal with, but it wasn't a one
time fix, I need more. My emotions have
been very difficult to deal with in the past couple months. The cause is a combination of many things
including relationships, financial instability, and an unfruitful
ministry. The truth is that I need God
desperately, and I feel closer to him when I am by myself. God has revealed to me part of his plan for
my future and I am very excited about that, but it has come out of a season of
relentless discouragement. Even after
being given this vision, I am still extremely discouraged and stressed. I really struggle with things in my
mind. I struggle with inadequacy. I feel inadequate to do ministry; inadequate to
provide for myself financially; inadequate to be a good role model; inadequate
to be a good friend. I know that it’s
lies from the pit, but it is so hard not to believe them. God I need you in my life so
desperately.
