"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on
your own understanding. In all your ways
acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
I reflect on this verse a lot. In fact, it is my life verse, at least until
my heart is ready for a new one. When I
wander around my grandfather's house I see it everywhere. On his desk, on his workbench, on post-it
notes. It is obvious that he meditated
on it every day. I saw him live it out
though. I think that's why it's my
favorite verse.
This spring has been a test of faith. And by that I mean it has been very
stressful. A house that is sitting empty
and not selling; paying to live in a house that's not mine in Muskegon; and
plunging deep into debt. Granted, it's
debt that will be gone once the house sells, but in the meantime it makes me
very uncomfortable.
I knew I'd lose everything.
This verse was on my heart when I decided to come to Muskegon. It's not my own "understanding" or
wisdom to leave my friends behind and lose all my money to come to a town I
despised when I left it 9 years ago so that I can get paid pennies. It's not about me though, it's about how God
wants me to serve Him. So he made my
path clear. But I'm not going to romanticize
the outcomes of this decision for you. I'm
not going to say that every day is so amazing because I chose to serve God with
my life. It's crazy hard. Full of discouragement and heartache. But know that I wholeheartedly believe it's
worth it. When I'm laying on my deathbed
someday, would I have more joy saying I
had a big TV and nice shoes, or that I allowed myself to be used by God to make
a difference in people's lives?
Yet, sometimes the discouragements, stresses, and drains of other
people, finances, and my own personal failures can easily distract me from my
purposes in ministry. It is distracting
from my own walk with the Lord, and when that falters, the ministry quickly
follows. Ministry can so quickly fall
into a directionless attempt to just get past the next Sunday or
Wednesday. That is why I'm very
excitedly taking a sabbatical for the month of June. My time will be spent memorizing large
portions of scripture, taking long walks with Jesus, and hashing out a new
vision for youth ministry for the new school year. My phone will be shut off for large portions
of these weeks. It's time I make my
relationship with God more important than my ministry and my relationships.
In the end, the
things I accomplish, the things I sacrifice, none of that matters more than
loving God. It's actually all just
garbage if I don't love God more. The
Bible compares it to used menstrual clothes.
He wants me, just me, infinitely more than he wants my offerings and
sacrifices. So I am going to my "desert"
for a while to be with God.
