Seasons

Seasons come and seasons go.  As I look outside and see that my beloved summer is just a memory, I remember that It's also a hope.  The changing of seasons is a constant.  The one that is here now will be gone in 3 months.  That's encouraging to hear now and a depressing thought in June.  Some of you may disagree, and I won't judge you; in fact, I've learned to appreciate winter. 

Change isn't unique to the weather.  I like to use the word "seasons" to refer to different periods of time in my life and the circumstances God has placed me in.  I did "this" for a season, or I was "there" for a season.  The perspective this gives me is both terrifying and hopeful.  If I say that this part of my life is a season of life, then I'm suggesting that my circumstances will change at some point.  Whether life is great or full of tribulation, change is coming.  Change is terrifying and hopeful.  When you lay your life down to follow Jesus, allowing yourself to be led by the spirit, change is sure. 

It seems fitting that the season outside is changing as I ponder the changing season in my life.  A few months ago the Spirit's direction was clear that a move was coming.  I began a grieving process as I said goodbye to a season of life.  It was time to jump in to the ministry in Muskegon with both feet.  That's a nervous prospect.  I've never sold a house before, and I would be moving away from most of my friends.  Could this be a new season of learning to be alone? or a season of new found friendships?  Time will tell, but I know that whatever the season, it's the one God has in store for me. 

8 years ago I left Muskegon excited to never live there again.  In one week I move my things back to the very place I despised,  and I'm excited?  It's true.  God has given me a love for this place.  Oh, how it needs Jesus.  I need Jesus too.  Everyday.  We have a new found commonality, and If that's all we have in common, then that's enough.  

This is my farewell to a city I will always love.  Grand Rapids, it's been real.  

A change in vision: Love God

Hello friends! 

As you may know, I live in downtown Grand Rapids.  Let me start with a recap of that experience.  2 years ago I felt very strongly that the Lord was calling me to move into the heart of the city.  I wanted the house to be a ministry that loved the neighborhood and loved on the neighborhood and spoke the truth of Jesus Christ in the neighborhood.  I decided to purchase a house because it made more sense than renting.  As soon as I walked in the door of my house for the first time I knew that it was the house God had for this.  It just felt right.  We prayed over it and I moved in.  And then... it was tough, it was hard, it was discouraging, it was lonely.  Have you ever been lonely in a group of people?  At times I felt alone in my vision.  People came and went through my house and I was always in good company, but only 1 other person was ever pumped about reaching the neighborhood, and neither of us are gifted at initiating contact with people.   There were pieces of the puzzle that God never provided.  And it was seemingly unfruitful.  And it was discouraging.  

As I sit here and look back on the last 2 years I have begun to see that I was looking for fruit in the wrong place.  That, all the while, God was using the house to help the 9 different people that have lived there, including myself, and many people that walked through the door.   I can't speak for the others, but God used the house to change me, to challenge me, to stretch me, and to teach me not to idolize "ministry".  Ministry is not the goal, loving God with all your heart is the goal; ministry is an outpouring of that love.  He taught me the hard way that idolizing ministry will leave you feeling defeated when it doesn't work the way you had planned.  But when we love God with all our heart, then all our hope is in Christ and Him alone.  If all of our joy is in Christ, then we won't have any less joy when things (even ministry) don't go as planned.  In fact, Romans 5 says that because of this we can rejoice in our sufferings because they produce perseverance. 

Then... God led me to a youth pastor position in Muskegon.  As I got more and more involved in Muskegon I began to really question why God had me move into Grand Rapids in the first place.  It was, as it seemed, a short unfruitful ministry that I was abandoning.  Then He tells me things like "it's okay, trust me. it's not your ministry, it's my ministry.  It's bigger than you. You need to let go."  I don't know what God's going to do through that house, but I know he's going to do great things and I'm not going to be there for it, and I'm okay with that.  I've let go.  I'm in a transition period where I'm praying and seeking the Lord's direction, but I am exploring the possibility of moving to Muskegon.   I spent a couple of weeks actually mourning the decision until I was able to detach myself from my house and my vision for it, in order to realign myself with God's vision.  I think it's really important to be in the same community as the church you're involved in.  There are a lot of pieces that I am trusting God to put into place here, so I greatly covet your prayers.